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| 1 | Chet | Quotes | Quotes |
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Chet
Chet: Boy, I wouldn't give a squirt of piss for your ass right now.
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| 2 | Chet  | Quotes | Quotes |
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Chet
Chet: Do you know what time it is? Time to play the fiddler.
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| 3 | Chet | Quotes | Quotes |
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Chet
Chet: Don't smart mouth me you wormy little shit!
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| 4 | Chet | Quotes | Quotes |
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Chet
Chet: He pukes, you die.
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| 5 | Chet | Quotes | Quotes |
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Chet
Chet: Here's the bottom line, Wyatt. I'm tellin' Mom and Dad everything. I'm even considering makin' up some shit.
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| 6 | Chet | Quotes | Quotes |
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Chet
Chet: How about a nice greasy pork sandwich served in a dirty ashtray?
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| 7 | Chet | Quotes | Quotes |
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Chet
Chet: It doesn't take a genius to figure that out monkey dick. Start talking little man.
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| 8 | Chet  | Quotes | Quotes |
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Chet
Chet: That's not a joke, that's a severe behavioral disorder. I mean, the next thing you know, you'll be wearing a bra on your head!
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| 9 | Chet | Quotes | Quotes |
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Chet
Chet: You two donkey-dicks couldn't get laid in a morgue.
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| 10 | Chet | Quotes | Quotes |
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Chet
Chet: You're stewed, butt wad!
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| 11 | Chet & Lisa | Quotes | Quotes |
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Chet & Lisa
Chet: You got everybody synched to the same bullshit story.
Lisa: This isn't bullshit. This is a Pershing missile, Chip.
Chet: It's Chet. My name is Chet. And I didn't think it was a whale's dick, honey.
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| 12 | Dino | Quotes | Quotes |
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Dino
Dino: Hello, pretty lady. Tell me something, what's a beautiful broad like you doing with a malaka like this, huh?
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| 13 | Gary | Quotes | Quotes |
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Gary
Gary: And as for your ugly ass, let me tell you something, you don't come into my friend's house, with your faggot friends, driving your motor bikes all over his floors, breaking windows, making a mess, stinking up the place, and believe me you do stink.
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| 14 | Gary | Quotes | Quotes |
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Gary
Gary: And here's what's gonna happen. You let go of the girls and you're going to apologize to all these people and you're gonna get on your bikes and pedal your ugly asses outta here.
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| 15 | Gary | Quotes | Quotes |
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Gary
Gary: Hold it, Wyatt. I know female stats. Anything bigger than a handful, you're risking a sprained tongue.
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| 16 | Gary | Quotes | Quotes |
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Gary
Gary: I can't believe you, I cannot believe you. You're dropping wolf-bait, and there are chicks outside!
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| 17 | Gary | Quotes | Quotes |
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Gary
Gary: Maybe it was a dream, you know, a very weird, bizarre, vivid, erotic, wet, detailed dream. Maybe we have malaria.
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| 18 | Gary | Quotes | Quotes |
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Gary
Gary: Well, my nuts are halfway up my ass, but other than that, I'm perfect!
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| 19 | Gary | Quotes | Quotes |
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Gary
Gary: You know, I can't believe this, Wyatt. I'm so disappointed in us. I mean, all our lives we've been saying how great it would be if we went to parties, right? And now it's our party and we're in the john. We're in the john!
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| 20 | Gary & Wyatt | Quotes | Quotes |
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Gary & Wyatt
Gary: If you're going to float an air biscuit, let me know, okay?
Wyatt: Float a what?
Gary: If you're gonna fart, if you're gonna squeeze cheese, let me know, okay? I'll hit the fan.
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| 21 | Gary & Wyatt | Quotes | Quotes |
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Gary & Wyatt
Gary: We're in.
Wyatt: We're in trouble, Gary. This is highly illegal.
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| 22 | Henry & Carmen | Quotes | Quotes |
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Henry & Carmen
Henry: I'm not going to stand here and listen to this baloney.
Carmen: He won't, you know. He doesn't stand for baloney.
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| 23 | Lisa | Quotes | Quotes |
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Lisa
Lisa: Don't threaten me, Al. You're out of shape. I'll kick your ass.
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| 24 | Lisa | Quotes | Quotes |
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Lisa
Lisa: Have you ever wondered how sad it is, that your son's only sexual outlet is tossing off to magazines in the bathroom?
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| 25 | Lisa | Quotes | Quotes |
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Lisa
Lisa: I can be a real serious bitch - if I don't get what I want.
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| 26 | Lisa | Quotes | Quotes |
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Lisa
Lisa: If we're going to have any fun together, you guys have better learn to loosen up.
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| 27 | Lisa | Quotes | Quotes |
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Lisa
Lisa: If you don't cheer up, I'll blow your face off.
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| 28 | Lisa | Quotes | Quotes |
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Lisa
Lisa: If you ever get the chance, shower with them. I did. Mmmm, it's a mind scrambler. Hurts so good.
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| 29 | Lisa | Quotes | Quotes |
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Lisa
Lisa: So, what would you little maniacs like to do first?
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| 30 | Lisa | Quotes | Quotes |
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Lisa
Lisa: You guys created me, I didn't come from anywhere. Before you started messing around with your computer, I didn't even exist. By the way, you did an excellent job. Thank you.
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| 31 | Lisa | Quotes | Quotes |
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Lisa
Lisa: You know, there's going to be sex, drugs, rock-n-roll... chips, dips, chains, whips... You know, your basic high school orgy type of thing. I mean, uh, I'm not talking candlewax on the nipples, or witchcraft or anything like that, no, no, no. Just a couple of hundred kids running around in their underwear, acting like complete animals.
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| 32 | Wyatt & Gary | Quotes | Quotes |
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Wyatt & Gary
Wyatt: By the way, why are we wearing bras on our heads?
Gary: Ceremonial.
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| 33 | Wyatt & Gary | Quotes | Quotes |
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Wyatt & Gary
Wyatt: I wonder if Lisa's having a good time.
Gary: Lisa could have a good time at an insurance seminar, Wyatt.
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| 34 | Wyatt & Gary | Quotes | Quotes |
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Wyatt & Gary
Wyatt: The problem is, this is a lame idea, okay?
Gary: This is not a lame idea. The problem is you computer's a wimp and we need a lot more power than this. That's the problem.
Wyatt: What do you suggest?
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