| # |
| 1 | Charlie    | Quotes | Quotes |
|
Charlie
Charlie (breaking into Kendall's SuperSave employee locker): Huh? What, indeed? Uh, giant skyscraper, uh, Superman power arms, yeah. Uh, classic original, and, I don't know, Philip Seymour Hoffman bad guy.
|
| 2 | Charlie | Quotes | Quotes |
|
Charlie
Charlie: Because it was a crazy accident, okay? I mean, just think about all the things that had to go wrong. The light fell. Michael had a heart attack.His wife ran up with his pills after I poured her a bottle of the good stuff, by the way. If any one of those things hadn't happened, you and me will be outside by the dumpsters ranking Christopher Nolan movies right now.
|
| 3 | Charlie | Quotes | Quotes |
|
Charlie
Charlie: Wow. Uh, yeah, sorry. I just, I happen to know a thing or two about the truth, so I'll tell you. You got Patrick Swayze, Roadhouse. Jennifer Jason Leigh, Single White Female. Christian Slater, True Romance. Truth, truth, truth. Now, you. Uh, well, I did happen to catch a few words through the rainstorm. And I'll tell you the truth, I didn't believe a single word. In fact, I would say that that's maybe the biggest batch of bullshit I've heard in my whole, yeah, whole entire life.
|
| 4 | Charlie & Natalie | Quotes | Quotes |
|
Charlie & Natalie
Charlie: It is crazy the things that people stick up their asses.
Natalie: Yeah. What are you reading?
Charlie: Ten craziest things people have stuck up their asses.
|
| 5 | Charlie Cale | Quotes | Quotes |
|
Charlie Cale
Charlie Cale: Double-Oh face scan, Batman.
|
| 6 | Charlie Cale | Quotes | Quotes |
|
Charlie Cale
Charlie Cale: I died. I died on Shit Mountain. I've always been the caretaker.
|
| 7 | Charlie Cale | Quotes | Quotes |
|
Charlie Cale
Charlie Cale: You want to cut me in on this grease-monkey mind meld?
|
| 8 | Commentator Gilda Deacon | Quotes | Quotes |
|
Commentator Gilda Deacon
Commentator Gilda Deacon: I seem to have stopped seeing the color green? It's weird. All the other colors are still present in my field of vision, but the grass, for instance, has taken on a kind of gray pallor. I have stopped eating the Velvety Canned Cheese. But if there is a medical doctor in attendance and you'd be open to stopping by, I don't think that'd be the worst idea.
|
| 9 | Commentator Gilda Deacon | Quotes | Quotes |
|
Commentator Gilda Deacon
Commentator Gilda Deacon: It's a beautiful day here at Velvety Canned Cheese Park. Velvety Canned Cheese: making your cheese a breeze.
|
| 10 | Commentator Gilda Deacon | Quotes | Quotes |
|
Commentator Gilda Deacon
Commentator Gilda Deacon: I've been noticing a slight numbness in my right arm, and I'm wondering if it's related to all the Velvety Canned Cheese I've been eating. Is anyone else experiencing this? If so, please come see me in the announcer booth.
|
| 11 | Eskie | Quotes | Quotes |
|
Eskie
Eskie: Well, I broke my sacred commitment to veganism for this.
|
| 12 | Felix Domingo | Quotes | Quotes |
|
Felix Domingo
Felix Domingo: Did you know God is a verb?
|
| 13 | Felix Domingo | Quotes | Quotes |
|
Felix Domingo
Felix Domingo: I'm quitting the game. Because none of this matters. You know, like who wins, who loses, you see, God... and the monkeys matter.
|
| 14 | Felix Domingo | Quotes | Quotes |
|
Felix Domingo
Felix Domingo: Out on the mound today, I went to some place, a place I've only dreamed of, where God's face speaks from the crystalline waters and his angels manifest in monkey form.
|
| 15 | Gator Joe | Quotes | Quotes |
|
Gator Joe
Gator Joe: Gator done!
|
| 16 | Gator Joe | Quotes | Quotes |
|
Gator Joe
Gator Joe: You have the right to shit your pants!
|
| 17 | George & Taffy | Quotes | Quotes |
|
George & Taffy
George: I don't need a vacation, I need out.
Taffy: You need out of what?
George: Out of all of it. The restaurant, the beef rub deal, the self-perpetuating cycle of endless cruelty. I'm going Vegan, Taffy.
Taffy: You're going vegan?
George: I no longer want to participate in the sale of animal products.
|
| 18 | Hiram Lubinski | Quotes | Quotes |
|
Hiram Lubinski
Hiram Lubinski: Baseball is not just a pastime. It is the passing of time itself. Tell me, wanderer, is it any coincidence that the goal of every hitter is to return safely to home?
|
| 19 | Hiram Lubinski | Quotes | Quotes |
|
Hiram Lubinski
Hiram Lubinski: I am Hiram Lubinski, the inventor of Velvety Canned Cheese Substitute Spread, now available in jalapeno and spicy seafood flavors.
|
| 20 | Kendall | Quotes | Quotes |
|
Kendall
Kendall: Well, first, we're gonna need a map of the store.
|
| 21 | Marge | Quotes | Quotes |
|
Marge
Marge: Trust me, I don't exist.
|
| 22 | Ruby Ruin | Quotes | Quotes |
|
Ruby Ruin
Ruby Ruin: Okay, Clarence Dumbass and Veggie McShithead. Listen to me - we are this close to nailing this thing. Keep it the fuck together.
|
| 23 | Ruby Ruin | Quotes | Quotes |
|
Ruby Ruin
Ruby Ruin: Why don't I just fucking traipse mntothe fucking forest and capture a bejeweled fucking Pegasus?
|
| 24 | Russ Waddell & Felix Domingo | Quotes | Quotes |
|
Russ Waddell & Felix Domingo
Russ: Shit!
Felix: You done?
Russ: Yeah, yeah, I guess I am.
Felix: I'll give you instructions on how to wire me the money tomorrow. Once it's in my account, I'll give you the evidence. Alright? Oh, and Russ, you were so right. Time gets us all. But you had all the time and the talent as any of the greats. You just blew it. Jesus, man, look at you. I don't even know how you live with yourself.
 
|
| 25 | Sterling Frost, Sr. | Quotes | Quotes |
|
Sterling Frost, Sr.
Sterling Frost, Sr.: I thought I made it clear to you. This is your job. And all you're telling me right now is that you're bad at your job. Not sure why you'd even go out of your way to point that out to your employer. Sterling Frost, Sr.: I thought I made it clear to you. This is your job. And all you're telling me right now is that you're bad at your job. Not sure why you'd even go out of your way to point that out to your employer.
|
| 26 | Sterling Frost, Sr. | Quotes | Quotes |
|
Sterling Frost, Sr.
Sterling Frost, Sr.: There's three things I said to my kid before I gave him the keys to the casino. First two don't matter. The third one - keep Beatrix Hasp out. She's the head of the Five Families, which is exactly what it sounds like. They've wanted a piece of Frost, Nevada forever. I keep 'em out. They're not happy about this.
|
| 27 | Subway Day Shift Guy | Quotes | Quotes |
|
Subway Day Shift Guy
Subway Day Shift Guy: Yo! Employees only. That's like Subway Sanctum Sanctorum.
|
