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| 1 | Air Show Announcer    | Quotes | Quotes |
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Air Show Announcer
Air Show Announcer: Look up - it's a bird, it's a plane? just kidding, it's a plane.
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| 2 | Andy & Ollie | Quotes | Quotes |
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Andy & Ollie
Andy: You call is this one and that one.
Ollie: And sometimes you call us The Shining and I don't get the reference.
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| 3 | Aunt Gayle | Quotes | Quotes |
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Aunt Gayle
Aunt Gayle: Get it out of their litter box, quick Bob! They're vegetarian!
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| 4 | Banjo | Quotes | Quotes |
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Banjo
Banjo: There's only gonna be two shots - me shooting you, and then me drinking this shot of whiskey.
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| 5 | Bloodmobile Guy | Quotes | Quotes |
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Bloodmobile Guy
Bloodmobile Guy (distracting Bob): Hey, uh, look at that, uh, Star Wars costume. Space, am I right?
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| 6 | Bob | Quotes | Quotes |
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Bob
Bob: Hey there, lady. Did someone order take-out? Or should I say "take off"?
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| 7 | Bob Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Bob Belcher
Bob Belcher: All I know about Marshmallow is that she comes and goes as she pleases, she answers to no one, and she is truly free.
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| 8 | Bob Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Bob Belcher
Bob Belcher: Are you not entertained?
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| 9 | Bob Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Bob Belcher
Bob Belcher: Good job, everybody. An angry mob, that's just what we wanted outside our restaurant.
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| 10 | Bob Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Bob Belcher
Bob Belcher: Hi. Sorry... about the hearse. It's just my family in here. Uh, alive! They're, uh, totally alive. They're right here. See? I didn't kill them. Mer-Merry Christmas!
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| 11 | Bob Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Bob Belcher
Bob Belcher: I'm dead. Cut me open and sleep inside me. You and the cat.
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| 12 | Bob Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Bob Belcher
Bob Belcher: Lin, I have to do this. For years, I thought I'd always be just some schlub on a waiting list, and now look. See how crispy that skin is getting? See how the juices are starting to flow? This is my Independence Day, Lin. And I'm Will Smith, and I'm telling this turkey, "Welcome to Earth." And it's saying, "Oh, I like it here. I'm gonna stay a while." And I'm like, "Oh, I'm also gonna cook you and eat you." And it's like, "Of course. You're the boss!"
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| 13 | Bob Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Bob Belcher
Bob Belcher: Okay, one wet willie.
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| 14 | Bob Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Bob Belcher
Bob Belcher: Well, once I get the food going, all anyone will smell is delicious turkey. Time to take back Thanksgiving! Get ready for Turkey 2: Judgment Day!
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| 15 | Bob Belcher & Gene Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Bob Belcher & Gene Belcher
Bob Belcher: Geez. I thought Tina took this Thundergirl stuff seriously. You guys are intense.
Gene Belcher: Yeah. You're like Linda Hamilton when she does all those angry pull-ups.
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| 16 | Bob Belcher & Gene Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Bob Belcher & Gene Belcher
Bob: If you keep saying stuff like that around your grandkids, they're gonna believe you, and then it might actually come true. So maybe don't say horrible stuff about the future to people who have to live in the future.
Gene: Like Marty McFly!
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| 17 | Bob Belcher & Linda Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Bob Belcher & Linda Belcher
Bob Belcher: It really hurts.
Linda Belcher: Let me look at it, you big baby.Oh! I'm the blonde nurse!
Bob Belcher: No. No, no.
Linda Belcher: It's World war II. You got shot in the eye. The chemistry between us is smoldering.
Bob Belcher: Oh, my God.
Linda Belcher: Let me see it.
Bob Belcher: The fantasy doesn''t work. I feel like if I got shot in the eye, I would want you to help my eye.
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| 18 | Bob Belcher & Linda Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Bob Belcher & Linda Belcher
Bob Belcher: Why are you calling me Mr. Belcher? Don't say 'cause I'm your boss.
Linda Belcher: 'Cause you're my boss.
Bob Belcher: And you're my sexy assistant.
Linda Belcher: And I'm your sexy assistant. Yes. I'm gonna take off all my clothes and wait for you in the walk-in.
Bob Belcher: I don't think that's a good idea. Ow! That hit my eye.
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| 19 | Bob Belcher & Teddy | Quotes | Quotes |
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Bob Belcher & Teddy
Bob Belcher: Why would someone have a lasso? Do cowboys have business cards?
Teddy: Yes, cowboys have business cards, and Western-wear salespeople. Wonder Woman. Ted Lasso. Lassie.
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| 20 | Bob Belcher & Teddy | Quotes | Quotes |
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Bob Belcher & Teddy
Bob: Oh, Teddy, I thought you were someone else.
Teddy: Sometimes I do too, Bob.
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| 21 | Bob Belcher & Tina Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Bob Belcher & Tina Belcher
Bob Belcher: Giardia is a bacteria or a parasite. I just know that it gives you really, really bad diarrhea.
Tina Belcher: As opposed to really, really good diarrhea?
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| 22 | Bob Belcher, Gene Belcher & Linda Belche... | Quotes | Quotes |
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Bob Belcher, Gene Belcher & Linda Belcher
Bob Belcher: Uh, Gene, your story sounds a lot like the movie They Live. Have you seen that recently?
Gene Belcher: You mean, when you were watching it and you told me to go to bed but I might have come out of my room and watched the rest of it from the hallway?
Linda Belcher: Someone's a Rowdy Roddy Peeper.
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| 23 | Bob Belcher, Teddy & Linda Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Bob Belcher, Teddy & Linda Belcher
Bob Belcher: It's Pesto's stupid awning. It's reflecting the sun at us.
Teddy: You know what's happening, the visually pleasing curves are making a concave mirror.
Bob Belcher: They're not visually pleasing curves!
Teddy: Yeah, they're visually pleasing and deadly. Like the Death Star.
Linda Belcher: The Death Star!
Teddy: Bob, you're like an Ewok.
Bob Belcher: Wait, why am I an Ewok?
Teddy: No reason. Hairy. Excitable.
Bob Belcher: I'm going over there.
Teddy: You're a feisty little Ewok.
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| 24 | Boyz 4 Now | Quotes | Quotes |
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Boyz 4 Now
Boyz 4 Now: I close my eyes and you're still there, You're the girl of my dreams, nope, my nightmares, You're like Jason, Mike Myers, Carrie and Freddy, But I don't want to run away, I want to go steady.
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| 25 | Chuck Charles | Quotes | Quotes |
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Chuck Charles
Chuck Charles: Hooray for Bob. He managed to somehow do what he does every day for a living.
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| 26 | Cyborg Bob Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Cyborg Bob Belcher
Cyborg Bob Belcher: You are the eighth most attractive woman I've seen today. I arrested seven supermodels. I mean prostitutes. Of all the women who are not supermodel/prostitutes, you are the most attractive.
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| 27 | Darryl | Quotes | Quotes |
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Darryl
Darryl: Come with me if you want to continue to be alive.
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| 28 | Darryl | Quotes | Quotes |
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Darryl
Darryl: Louise, listen, the Frond that's chasing us is a robot from the future built by the real Frond and sent back to destroy you.
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| 29 | Derek Dematopolis & Aunt Gayle | Quotes | Quotes |
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Derek Dematopolis & Aunt Gayle
Derek Dematopolis: Ow, ow, ow, you're pulling my neck hair.
Aunt Gayle: It's mine now.
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| 30 | Dinosaur Tina | Quotes | Quotes |
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Dinosaur Tina
Dinosaur Tina: Damn. I want some dino-more of that. Want to get pre-kiss-storic?
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| 31 | Dolores | Quotes | Quotes |
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Dolores
Dolores: Oh, it was a long time ago. We were young, we were dating. I hate him. We were edgy back then. We were even gonna try this new thing called "Thai food," but we had to leave 'cause Roger came down with a cold. Even coughing and sneezing, he was a handsome bastard. But our last date was at the Halloween party in this hotel, 50 years ago. Roger looked amazing as Spartacus. It seemed like we were in our own little world. He was tossing nuts into the air and catching them in his mouth to impress me... I was, too. How do people do that? Roger went to get us drinks, and he never came back. I asked around, if anyone's seen Spartacus. People kept saying, "I am Spartacus," but I hadn't seen the movie, so I didn't know what they were referring to. Finally, someone told me that they saw him at the elevator with I Dream of Jeannie. I couldn't believe it. I was devastated.
 
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| 32 | Ernie | Quotes | Quotes |
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Ernie
Ernie: My name's Ernie. I've done the, uh, Star Wars LARP, the Tolkien LARP, the, uh, World According to Garp LARP.
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| 33 | The Fishy Squishery | Quotes | Quotes |
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The Fishy Squishery
Restaurant that Louise mentions when Linda goes to the restroom at Savory and tells Bob to order her the Salmon and to tell the waiter not to make it too fishy or squishy: She said the same thing at the Fishy Squishery. We were so embarrassed.
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| 34 | Gene | Quotes | Quotes |
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Gene
Gene (after Gene's friend Mitchell appears, and Tina points out that he was just talking about him in the parking lot): I know. I think it's like one of those things where if you say his name three times, he appears, like Beetlejuice or diarrhea. All I want to do is play the electronic drums, which are the drums of the future, but instead I have to hide from the most annoying boy in the world.
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| 35 | Gene | Quotes | Quotes |
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Gene
Gene (at the point in Bob's story about his grandmother during World War where she folds laundry while looking for a German spy): I think the next James Bond movie is about that.
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| 36 | Gene | Quotes | Quotes |
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Gene
Gene (regarding Bob's Grandma Alice's old radio): The world's first R2-D2?
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| 37 | Gene | Quotes | Quotes |
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Gene
Gene: Is that all we are to you, Dad? Your children?
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| 38 | Gene | Quotes | Quotes |
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Gene
Gene: We thought of another costume idea for you. Cheer-bacca. It's Chewbacca in a cheerleading uniform.
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| 39 | Gene "Dutch Oven" Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Gene "Dutch Oven" Belcher
Gene "Dutch Oven" Belcher: Goodbye gluten mutant. You're toast.
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| 40 | Gene "Dutch Oven" Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Gene "Dutch Oven" Belcher
Gene "Dutch Oven" Belcher: Your bread is buttered!
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| 41 | Gene Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Gene Belcher
Gene Belcher (about Bob's friend Warren Fitzgerald): He's actually real? I thought that was Dad's alter ego, like in Fight Club.
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| 42 | Gene Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Gene Belcher
Gene Belcher (holding up the card he made for the family's trip to the cemetery to visit Bob's mother): I drew her as Uma Thurman from that dancing scene with John Travolta in Pulp Fiction. She'll love it.
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| 43 | Gene Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Gene Belcher
Gene Belcher (looking at Bob's wrist splints): Please tell me they shoot webs!
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| 44 | Gene Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Gene Belcher
Gene Belcher (looking at Tina's temporary tattoo): Is that a dinosaur over your tar pit?
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| 45 | Gene Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Gene Belcher
Gene Belcher: And this nice man with the hedge clippers is Mort's mom's new boyfriend, Arthur. I call him Arth Vader. 'Cause of the way he breathes. He has allergies.
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| 46 | Gene Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Gene Belcher
Gene Belcher: Careful Louise, she's puberty hulking!
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| 47 | Gene Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Gene Belcher
Gene Belcher: Dad, you need a Venetian mask and a thong, stat!
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| 48 | Gene Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Gene Belcher
Gene Belcher: Great. Now my candy tastes like guilt.
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| 49 | Gene Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Gene Belcher
Gene Belcher: Guess what we found with our metal detector? Another metal detector!
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| 50 | Gene Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Gene Belcher
Gene Belcher: How does one get into robot driving? Did you go to Robot College?
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| 51 | Gene Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Gene Belcher
Gene Belcher: I love my weird, brave sister!
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| 52 | Gene Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Gene Belcher
Gene Belcher: I never thought I'd go over to the dark-chocolate-side.
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| 53 | Gene Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Gene Belcher
Gene Belcher: I think I pooped out the part of my brain that knew everything that was happening on The Kominsky Method.
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| 54 | Gene Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Gene Belcher
Gene Belcher: Is this one of those Back to the Future pictures where the fort disappeared because your mom fell in love with you?
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| 55 | Gene Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Gene Belcher
Gene Belcher: Nature boner! Boing!
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| 56 | Gene Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Gene Belcher
Gene Belcher: Normal Gene, Evil Gene. Normal Gene, Evil Gene.
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| 57 | Gene Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Gene Belcher
Gene Belcher: Saving Private Ryan called - it wants its opening scene back.
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| 58 | Gene Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Gene Belcher
Gene Belcher: Say hello to my 50-50 blend!
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| 59 | Gene Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Gene Belcher
Gene Belcher: The battle was intense. It was like Terminator versus Roomba.
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| 60 | Gene Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Gene Belcher
Gene Belcher: Wait, so these movies are about traveling barbers who fight weird Japanese monsters? So, it's like a less sexual Incredible Hulk?
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| 61 | Gene Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Gene Belcher
Gene Belcher: Well, hello, you. Do you live around here? What are you doing all by yourself? I promise I'm not hitting on you. All right, I am. Are you lost? I don't think you should be out here. You could get hurt. Physically and emotionally. Oh, do you want some Christmas candy? You can have some. Dark chocolate's not really my thing, but maybe you like stuff that's gross.
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| 62 | Gene Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Gene Belcher
Gene Belcher: We're undercover! It's part of the job! You think I want to eat all this guacamole?
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| 63 | Gene Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Gene Belcher
Gene Belcher: Whoa! Is that the flux capacitor?
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| 64 | Gene Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Gene Belcher
Gene Belcher: Yeah! Get your damn hands off her, Biff!
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| 65 | Gene Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Gene Belcher
Gene Belcher: You smell like candy and B.O. mixed together, like a homeless M&M.
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| 66 | Gene Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Gene Belcher
Gene: It's the triumphant return to the ocean for the voluptuous Seal-Man!
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| 67 | Gene Belcher & Bob Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Gene Belcher & Bob Belcher
Gene Belcher: It's not a lie if you lie to vegetarians, you taught us that!
Bob Belcher: I did teach you that.
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| 68 | Gene Belcher, Bob Belcher & Louise Belch... | Quotes | Quotes |
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Gene Belcher, Bob Belcher & Louise Belcher
Gene Belcher: We're selling out!
Bob Belcher: Gene, we're not selling out. We're gonna steal customers from our own restaurant.
Louise Belcher: we'll never see it coming.
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| 69 | Gene Belcher, Daryl & Louise Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Gene Belcher, Daryl & Louise Belcher
Gene Belcher: Who took yours, a devil or an astronaut?
Daryl: Neither. It was a hockey goalie with a knife.
Louise Belcher: You mean Jason from Friday the 13th?
Daryl: You know I don't like scary movies!
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| 70 | Gene Belcher, Louise Belcher & Tina Belc... | Quotes | Quotes |
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Gene Belcher, Louise Belcher & Tina Belcher
Gene Belcher: Dad, don't forget monkey brains.
Louise Belcher: Yeah, and we need more unicorn testicles.
Tina Belcher: That's where dreams are born.
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| 71 | Gene Belcher, Tina Belcher, Louise Belch... | Quotes | Quotes |
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Gene Belcher, Tina Belcher, Louise Belcher & Bob Belcher
Gene Belcher: What do you call this color again?
Tina Belcher: Tangy Red Magic.
Gene Belcher: I never want to take it off.
Louise Belcher: Well, I thought we were gonna call it Blood Fart.
Bob Belcher: Okay, guys, no more spa day with the ketchup.
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| 72 | Gloria | Quotes | Quotes |
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Gloria
Gloria: Here's Bobby! I found him.
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| 73 | Gretchen | Quotes | Quotes |
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Gretchen
Gretchen (returning Linda's travel fudge): You left this at the salon today. I thought it was drugs, but I don't feel anything, so I think it's just regular food in a bag.
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| 74 | Gretchen | Quotes | Quotes |
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Gretchen
Gretchen: Clean-up on aisle my panties.
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| 75 | Grocery store clerk | Quotes | Quotes |
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Grocery store clerk
Grocery store clerk: You know, the more I hear you, I feel like your life doesn't make sense, but I'm just a normal person.
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| 76 | Henry | Quotes | Quotes |
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Henry
Henry: Find your Firefly.
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| 77 | Henry & Tina Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Henry & Tina Belcher
Henry: So we're both excited, that's great. Now we need to find some passion in your delivery. What really gets you going?
Tina Belcher: You mean what makes me tick?
Henry: What makes you tick-tick-tick explode? Think of things that get you mad. I think of when they canceled Firefly.
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| 78 | Jimmy Jr. & Tina Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Jimmy Jr. & Tina Belcher
Jimmy Jr.: What are you doing out here?
Tina Belcher: Trying to save you. I switched your music to something with a nine-eight time signature.
Jimmy Jr.: That's like dance Kryptonite!
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| 79 | Jimmy Jr., Louise Belcher & Zeke | Quotes | Quotes |
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Jimmy Jr., Louise Belcher & Zeke
Jimmy Jr.: That was a pretty lame cornfield, Gene. No mazes, no scarecrows
Louise Belcher: No children of it.
Zeke: Pretty good-looking corn, though.
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| 80 | Jimmy Pesto | Quotes | Quotes |
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Jimmy Pesto
Jimmy Pesto (restaurant flier): Pasta La Vista Baby!
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| 81 | Jimmy Pesto | Quotes | Quotes |
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Jimmy Pesto
Jimmy Pesto: Now I'd like to invite everyone to come in and (imitating Tony Montana from Scarface) say hello to my little drink specials!
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| 82 | Joel & Linda Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Joel & Linda Belcher
Joel: I slipped on a wet floor. You know that phrase "slippery when wet?" Turns out not just the name of a Bon Jovi album.
Linda Belcher: Aw, you give floors a bad name.
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| 83 | Judge Pam | Quotes | Quotes |
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Judge Pam
Judge Pam: I sentence you to kiss my ass!
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| 84 | Kuchi Kopi & Bob Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Kuchi Kopi & Bob Belcher
Kuchi Kopi: Did you know your wife and your mother-in-law are trying to interfere with your business?
Bob Belcher: They are? My business?
Kuchi Kopi: Yes. They are attempting to bring an outside protein into this situation.
Bob Belcher: An outside protein?
Kuchi Kopi: Tuna.
Bob Belcher: Tuna?
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| 85 | Kuchi Kopi & Bob Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Kuchi Kopi & Bob Belcher
Kuchi Kopi: Do you need to use the facilities, Mr. Bob? Go number two?
Bob Belcher: I'm glad you asked, Kuchi. Yes, I do need to go number two. Yes, I do. A lot.
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| 86 | Kuchi Kopi & Bob Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Kuchi Kopi & Bob Belcher
Kuchi Kopi: How are things going, Mr. Bob?
Bob Belcher: Things could be better, Kuchi. Things could be a whole lot better.
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| 87 | Kuchi Kopi & Bob Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Kuchi Kopi & Bob Belcher
Kuchi Kopi: Nice to see you, Bob.
Bob Belcher: Nice to see you, Kuchi Kopi.
Kuchi Kopi: What'll it be, Mr. Bob?
Bob Belcher: Gimme some hooch, your best bootleg hooch.
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| 88 | Kuchi Kopi & Bob Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Kuchi Kopi & Bob Belcher
Kuchi Kopi: So, your mother-in-law is quite willful.
Bob Belcher: Yeah, she is.
Kuchi Kopi: She needs to be corrected.
Bob Belcher: What does that mean?
Kuchi Kopi: Killed.
Bob Belcher: Wow, you turned into a mean little nightlight, Kuchi.
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| 89 | Linda Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Linda Belcher
Linda Belcher (imagining Tina in her prom dress): Aw. My beautiful little Carrie. I never finished the movie, but she looked gorgeous in that dress. And I bet she had a great time at the prom.
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| 90 | Linda Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Linda Belcher
Linda Belcher: But I don't get it. I got all those other predictions right. Or did I kind of just use common sense? I guess I saw Mort's wallet falling out. And telemarketers call around 3:00 every day. And I guess your hand smelled like oranges. Oh, God. I Kaiser-Soze'd myself.
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| 91 | Linda Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Linda Belcher
Linda Belcher: Here's Mommy!
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| 92 | Linda Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Linda Belcher
Linda Belcher: Hey, stop sniffin' Torpedo's balls! Get it? It's like you're in love with him.
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| 93 | Linda Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Linda Belcher
Linda Belcher: Hugo, such a fancy sash. You look like Sissy Spacek in Carrie.
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| 94 | Linda Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Linda Belcher
Linda Belcher: I have to go check the bathroom for stray hairs. No one sheds like this family. It's like a bunch of Chewbaccas.
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| 95 | Linda Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Linda Belcher
Linda Belcher: I'm gonna be like Carrie up on the stage! But hopefully less blood.
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| 96 | Linda Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Linda Belcher
Linda Belcher: When I die, I want you to cremate me and throw my ashes in Tom Selleck's face.
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| 97 | Linda Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Linda Belcher
Linda Belcher: Why would someone steal the sign for Ball Street?
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| 98 | Linda Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Linda Belcher
Linda Belcher: Yes, we paid the gas bill. I remember 'cause the check number ended in 69 and we high-fived.
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| 99 | Linda Belcher & Bob Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Linda Belcher & Bob Belcher
Linda Belcher: All right, sex time!
Linda Belcher: Yeah.
Bob Belcher: Let's go!
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| 100 | Linda Belcher & Bob Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Linda Belcher & Bob Belcher
Linda Belcher: Bob, what's going on? What are you doing?
Bob Belcher: We fight fire with fire, Lin.
Linda Belcher: Did you rip our bathroom mirror off its hinges?
Bob Belcher: It's how we take out the Death Star.
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| 101 | Linda Belcher & Bob Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Linda Belcher & Bob Belcher
Linda Belcher: Bobby, I've been thinking.
Bob Belcher: Ugh, is this about Inception again? Because we are never gonna figure it out.
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| 102 | Linda Belcher & Bob Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Linda Belcher & Bob Belcher
Linda Belcher: Now kiss me like it's the last time you'll see me.
Bob Belcher: Wait, what?
Linda Belcher: No, nothing. Just kiss me regular.
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| 103 | Linda Belcher & Bob Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Linda Belcher & Bob Belcher
Linda Belcher: Seems like a single fella like you is using his charm on me. Is that what I'm seeing?
Bob Belcher: I might be making a charm-esan sandwich, yeah.
Linda Belcher: I love sandwiches.
Bob Belcher: Yeah, well, you smell like you do.
Linda Belcher: Thank you.
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| 104 | Linda Belcher & Bob Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Linda Belcher & Bob Belcher
Linda Belcher: Where are we?
Bob Belcher: Yeah, we are not in the same hall as we were a minute ago.
Linda Belcher: It's like the end of The Shining in here.
Bob Belcher: Where did everybody go?
Linda Belcher: Wait a minute, this is a wedding.
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| 105 | Linda Belcher & Bob Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Linda Belcher & Bob Belcher
Linda Belcher: You talking to your muscles, Bob?
Bob Belcher: Uh, yeah, I was. I - I kind of want tricep muscles.
Linda Belcher: Ooh, I want tricep muscles. I want to look like Linda Hamilton in Terminator.
Bob Belcher: Me, too.
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| 106 | Linda Belcher & Bob Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Linda Belcher & Bob Belcher
Linda: It's a perfect system.
Bob: I guess, if he wasn't tipped off by your Friday the 13th where Jason goes on a shopping spree.
Linda: Oh, and he tells the snooty saleslady, "You work on commission, right? Big mistake. Huge." And then he stabs her with a credit card.
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| 107 | Linda Belcher & Gene Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Linda Belcher & Gene Belcher
Linda Belcher: Wait a minute. I know what we have to do. We have to give your father a surprise party. Tonight! We just got to get your father out of the restaurant for a while. That way I can say I was pretending to forget his birthday, just to set up the best surprise ever.
Gene Belcher: Like the end of that movie Seven.
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| 108 | Linda Belcher & Mr. Huggins | Quotes | Quotes |
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Linda Belcher & Mr. Huggins
Linda Belcher: You're welcome to join us, Mr. Huggins.
Mr. Huggins: Oh. No, thanks. I'm headed to my girlfriend's place. She's a vegetarian, and that's fine.
Linda Belcher: Vegetarians are nice. I love it.
Mr. Huggins: Good luck! And don't burn down the neighborhood! Seriously. Please don't.
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| 109 | Linda Belcher & Randy | Quotes | Quotes |
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Linda Belcher & Randy
Linda Belcher: What can I get you, a burger?
Randy: Oh, thank you, Linda. I've already eaten, and I'm a vegetarian. (mumbling under his breath) Meat is murder.
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| 110 | Linda Belcher, Bob Belcher & Gene Belche... | Quotes | Quotes |
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Linda Belcher, Bob Belcher & Gene Belcher
Linda Belcher: What's wrong with your hand?
Bob Belcher: Nothing. Oh my god. Oh god.
Gene Belcher: Red rum! Red rum!
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| 111 | Linda Belcher, Bob Belcher & Gene Belche... | Quotes | Quotes |
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Linda Belcher, Bob Belcher & Gene Belcher
Linda Belcher: You never go against the family, never!
Bob Belcher: Easy, Don Corleone.
Gene Belcher: You mean Don Pepperoni?
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| 112 | Linda Belcher, Bob Belcher & Teddy | Quotes | Quotes |
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Linda Belcher, Bob Belcher & Teddy
Linda Belcher: At least we saved all these sweet ugly babies from going to the dumpster. We're gonna get into heaven now, right?
Bob Belcher: Yeah.
Teddy: I want to go to heaven, but not like that. Not like that.
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| 113 | Linda Belcher, Goldie & Mudflap | Quotes | Quotes |
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Linda Belcher, Goldie & Mudflap
Linda Belcher: Are you going into labor?
Goldie: No. Course not. Uh, this little passenger in my baby carriage is just giving me pretty fierce bottom ramen, you know?
Linda Belcher: What? What's she saying?
Mudflap: It's biker for diarrhea.
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| 114 | Linda, Louise, Gene & Tina Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Linda, Louise, Gene & Tina Belcher
Linda Belchjer: Sticky Sugar-Booms? What are Sticky Sugar-Booms?
Louise Belcher: A new candy/reason for living.
Gene Belcher: It's the "it" candy this year.
Tina Belcher: You chomp it and the syrup reacts with the fizzy stuff and it explodes in your mouth. Boom.
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| 115 | Louise Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Louise Belcher
Louise Belcher: A please would be nice.
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| 116 | Louise Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Louise Belcher
Louise Belcher: All right, you want a slumber party? Well, then say?"pillow" to my little friend!
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| 117 | Louise Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Louise Belcher
Louise Belcher: Draw a picture of my dad's mustache really givin' it to a caterpillar.
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| 118 | Louise Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Louise Belcher
Louise Belcher: Fine. Just give me some space Wonder Worm-an.
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| 119 | Louise Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Louise Belcher
Louise Belcher: Hey, Frond! Let's do lunch.
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| 120 | Louise Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Louise Belcher
Louise Belcher: Hey, quick question: you ever see John Wick? Well, I'm John Wick, and Gene is my puppy, and you're those guys who did something to the puppy. I'm not sure what, because I only saw the trailer. But I know enough about it to know that you're gonna pay.
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| 121 | Louise Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Louise Belcher
Louise Belcher: I am a pillar of fire with hammer hands. You can't see me. You can't tell me I'm not.
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| 122 | Louise Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Louise Belcher
Louise Belcher: I like when robots look like the Terminator and they are the Terminator.
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| 123 | Louise Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Louise Belcher
Louise Belcher: I smell fear on you.
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| 124 | Louise Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Louise Belcher
Louise Belcher: It all started last week while I was sitting in class. Not two miles away, the worst evil this world has ever seen had just traveled here.
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| 125 | Louise Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Louise Belcher
Louise Belcher: No more future goopings. You got it, buddy... Yeah, there will be no goopings put into action excluding any and all current or existing goopings that have heretofore been laid.
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| 126 | Louise Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Louise Belcher
Louise Belcher: Oh, you're getting a banana in your tailpipe, and I am not talking about the van.
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| 127 | Louise Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Louise Belcher
Louise Belcher: Sippee-ki-yay, motherbarfer.
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| 128 | Louise Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Louise Belcher
Louise Belcher: So, now we're here, living off the grid in Mexico, or someplace, planning, waiting for when they find us.
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| 129 | Louise Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Louise Belcher
Louise Belcher: That's lip gloss? I thought you'd always just finished eating rotisserie chicken.
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| 130 | Louise Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Louise Belcher
Louise Belcher: What's it gonna take to get you into this rhino anus today?
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| 131 | Louise Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Louise Belcher
Louise Belcher: Whoa. Are you are super strong robot from the future? Wait, don't answer that, that's rhetorical. I gotta split.
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| 132 | Louise Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Louise Belcher
Louise Belcher: Yeah, when you dance with the bear, you can't stop until the bear wants to stop? Espresso's the bear.
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| 133 | Louise Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Louise Belcher
Louise Belcher: You guys stay here and block. I'll cut through the crowd like a fart through butter.
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| 134 | Louise Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Louise Belcher
Louise Belcher: You know a lot about Bat Mitzvahs for someone who thought Chanukah was Han Solo and Chewbacca's baby.
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| 135 | Louise Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Louise Belcher
Louise Belcher: You know what? This whole thing has kind of a Millie touch. Remember those homemade "presents" she put in my locker?
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| 136 | Louise Belcher & Bob Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Louise Belcher & Bob Belcher
Louise: How come we've never seen you do it?
Bob: Well, uh, we opened the restaurant, and then, uh, we had kids, and I guess life happened.
Louise: But did it, though, for you?
Bob: Louise...
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| 137 | Louise Belcher & Customer & Tina Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Louise Belcher & Customer & Tina Belcher
Louise: Tina, aren't you gonna offer this nice man a Thespian Combo?
Customer: What's the Thespian Combo?
Louise: It's a great value, actually. It comes with fries, a soda and three tickets to an amazing play tomorrow night.
Customer: How much is it?
Louise: Let me see here. Three plus two - $40.
Customer: Mm, no.
Louise: Get out.
Customer: What?
Louise: Sorry, sorry, I didn't mean that. Tina, get this man his burger.
Tina: On it. One burger of the day coming right up for the guy who hates art and everything beautiful.
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| 138 | Louise Belcher & Gene Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Louise Belcher & Gene Belcher
Louise Belcher: If you can't handle reality, you should have stayed inside of mom.
Gene Belcher: That was an option?
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| 139 | Louise Belcher, Gene Belcher & Tina Belc... | Quotes | Quotes |
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Louise Belcher, Gene Belcher & Tina Belcher
Louise Belcher, Gene Belcher & Tina Belcher
Louise Belcher: I was locking Gene in the garden shed when Tina was playing Firestarter.
Gene Belcher: I burrowed out like a little mole.
Tina Belcher: Louise is right, I'm a Firestarter.
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| 140 | Louise Belcher, Tina Belcher & Bob Belch... | Quotes | Quotes |
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Louise Belcher, Tina Belcher & Bob Belcher
Louise: Well, the good news is that axe seems pretty heavy, so there's no way dad has the upper body strength to go full Shining on us.
Tina: Yeah. Half Shining at most. No offense, dad.
Bob: I think I could Shining all of you if I had to.
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| 141 | Louise, Gene & Linda Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Louise, Gene & Linda Belcher
Louise Belcher: Well, we do have that rule in our family - don't order a burger in front of Dad.
Gene Belcher: 'Cause he's gonna ask you what you think.
Linda Belcher: Then you have to say how bad it is, or else he gets all sulky.
Louise Belcher: You turn into the Incredible Sulk.
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| 142 | Millie & Tina Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Millie & Tina Belcher
Millie: We're rivals who are also totally obsessed with each other... "Fremesises".
Tina Belcher: Oh, like Batman and Catwoman.
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| 143 | Mr. Fischoeder | Quotes | Quotes |
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Mr. Fischoeder
Mr. Fischoeder: And so, every year on the date of the trophy's disappearance, which happens to be three days from now, I do something to try to get Felix to tell me where the damn thing is. I've tried hypnosis, I've tried spanking, I laced his food with LSD, but that little twerp won't even admit he stole it.
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| 144 | Mr. Fischoeder | Quotes | Quotes |
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Mr. Fischoeder
Mr. Fischoeder: Anyway, thanks for all the free child labor. It's the best kind of labor, after all.
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| 145 | Mr. Fischoeder | Quotes | Quotes |
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Mr. Fischoeder
Mr. Fischoeder: Shh, shh, shh. Quiet, Bob. All right, see you in Hell, Roger! What? This is the only spot I get good reception. Ooh, is someone taking flying lessons?
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| 146 | Mr. Frond | Quotes | Quotes |
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Mr. Frond
Mr. Frond (7th grade class secretary campaign poster): May the Frond be with You.
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| 147 | Mr. Frond | Quotes | Quotes |
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Mr. Frond
Mr. Frond: So, you know the rules. Just a reminder, nothing inappropriate or disrespectful, no smashing fruit, no simulated or un-simulated groin kicks, no toilet talk and no monologues from Pulp Fiction.
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| 148 | Mr. Frond | Quotes | Quotes |
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Mr. Frond
Mr. Frond: With great vest comes great responsibility.
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| 149 | Mr. Frond & Louise Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Mr. Frond & Louise Belcher
Mr. Frond: Hey, don't throw Repressed Memory Emily!
Louise Belcher: She won't remember this.
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| 150 | Mr. Frond & Louise Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Mr. Frond & Louise Belcher
Mr. Frond: The name's Frond. James Frond. I've got a license to counsel.
Louise Belcher: Double-oh-so-sad.
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| 151 | Mr. Frond's Future Robot | Quotes | Quotes |
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Mr. Frond's Future Robot
Mr. Frond's Future Robot: Clothing match... good enough.
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| 152 | Mr. Frond's Future Robot | Quotes | Quotes |
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Mr. Frond's Future Robot
Mr. Frond's Future Robot: Clothing match... negative.
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| 153 | Mr. Frond's Future Robot | Quotes | Quotes |
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Mr. Frond's Future Robot
Mr. Frond's Future Robot: I' ll deactivate all of you.
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| 154 | Nat | Quotes | Quotes |
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Nat
Nat: All right, all right, I'm gonna pull around back. We'll Goodfellas it through the kitchen, and then boom! Date over.
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| 155 | Nat | Quotes | Quotes |
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Nat
Nat: Ooh, ooh, what about this Becky girl? Could she be a spy? Maybe some sort of a Cylon? Where would she want to eat dinner?
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| 156 | Pam | Quotes | Quotes |
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Pam
Pam: Chuck, you're literally a worm with eyes.
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| 157 | President Gene "Harrison Ford" Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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President Gene "Harrison Ford" Belcher
President Gene "Harrison Ford" Belcher: Get off my plane!
 
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| 158 | Prince of Persuasia | Quotes | Quotes |
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Prince of Persuasia
Prince of Persuasia: Be one of the tallest guys in the bar, and brag about how long your butt-crack is.
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| 159 | Prince of Persuasia | Quotes | Quotes |
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Prince of Persuasia
Prince of Persuasia: Dress like her dad. It releases a hormone called moan-a-tonin.
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| 160 | Prince of Persuasia | Quotes | Quotes |
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Prince of Persuasia
Prince of Persuasia: Hello there, my brothers. I almost didn't see you. I am the Prince of Persuasia! There are three steps to persuading women. Step number one: Trap your princess. Physically corner her in a room and eventually, in your life. Step two: Insult your princess. Insult her face, her body, her brain, her car. The lower her self-esteem, the higher your chances, bro. It's been biologically proven. By me. Step three: Brag. Not lying, but close. Make up a story about how you single-handedly murdered a wild animal. Your story is going to release a hormone, deep inside her body, called Insatia. It makes women ovulate. For sex.
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| 161 | Prince of Persuasia | Quotes | Quotes |
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Prince of Persuasia
Prince of Persuasia: Never make her pancakes. Force her to make you pancakes, in the middle of the night.
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| 162 | Prince of Persuasia | Quotes | Quotes |
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Prince of Persuasia
Prince of Persuasia: Push her in a lake.
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| 163 | Prince of Persuasia | Quotes | Quotes |
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Prince of Persuasia
Prince of Persuasia: Sing a song that you supposedly heard on the radio, and make fun of her for not knowing it.
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| 164 | Prince of Persuasia | Quotes | Quotes |
|
Prince of Persuasia
Prince of Persuasia: Use the word "idiot."
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| 165 | Prince of Persuasia | Quotes | Quotes |
|
Prince of Persuasia
Prince of Persuasia: When you get into an elevator with a woman, press a higher number than her, and then make a big deal about it.
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| 166 | Rudy | Quotes | Quotes |
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Rudy
Rudy: Do you see spots in the zone? If you do, then I'm definitely in the zone.
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| 167 | Skye, Tina Belcher & Noah | Quotes | Quotes |
|
Skye, Tina Belcher & Noah
Skye: So where did you guys meet?
Tina Belcher: Great question, Skye. And the answer I have at my fingertips is that we met here at the mall. In the food court. At the, um, barbecue place.
Noah: But Brian's vegetarian.
Tina Belcher: I know! Uh, we-we were, um, there to protest. We threw barbecue sauce on their fur coats.
Skye: Why did they have fur coats?
Tina Belcher: Look, they just did, Skye. Sorry, sorry. I just get so mad thinking about all that fur - and barbecue.
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| 168 | Speedo Guy | Quotes | Quotes |
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Speedo Guy
Speedo Guy: But I'm a vegan! Aah!
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| 169 | Speedo Guy | Quotes | Quotes |
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Speedo Guy
Speedo Guy: Nightmares are just insights into suppressed emotions!
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| 170 | Speedo Guy | Quotes | Quotes |
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Speedo Guy
Speedo Guy: We're all glued to a toilet called Earth.
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| 171 | Tammy & Jocelyn | Quotes | Quotes |
|
Tammy & Jocelyn
Tammy: It's like somebody put chum in the water and it's a room full of hungry whatever animals eat chum.
Jocelyn: Chum-panzees?
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| 172 | Tammy & Tina Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Tammy & Tina Belcher
Tammy: We've got a deal like Ally McBeal.
Tina Belcher: We've got a deal like Steven Spiel... berg.
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| 173 | Tammy, Jocelyn, Andy, Louise Belcher, Ol... | Quotes | Quotes |
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Tammy, Jocelyn, Andy, Louise Belcher, Ollie & Teddy
Tammy: Like, when is this celebrity guy even getting here? I'm tired of holding this selfie stick up.
Jocelyn: That's what that is? I thought you were going, like, skiing or something.
Andy: When's Shrek getting here?
Louise Belcher: It's not Shrek, Andy.
Ollie: Spock?
Louise Belcher: It's not Spock.
Andy: Shrek?
Louise Belcher: No.
Ollie: Star Shrek?
Teddy: Wait, is this a Star Shrek movie?
Louise Belcher: No. There's no such thing.
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| 174 | Teddy | Quotes | Quotes |
|
Teddy
Teddy (as Blake in Glengarry Glen Ross): Put the coffee down! Coffee is for closers only!
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| 175 | Teddy | Quotes | Quotes |
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Teddy
Teddy: It's a what? A veggie burger? Agh! Ugh! Why would you do that? Oh! Why? Oh! Now I can't get the taste out of my mouth.
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| 176 | Teddy | Quotes | Quotes |
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Teddy
Teddy: I've heard of this before. Someone gets hit on their head or gets struck by lightning, and it unleashes psychic ability.
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| 177 | Teddy | Quotes | Quotes |
|
Teddy
Teddy: Now, we're gonna get you to the costume closet. We got some sort of Chewbacca. The sun. Summer Frankenstein...
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| 178 | Teddy | Quotes | Quotes |
|
Teddy
Teddy: See you later. I mean, we won't see you later probably, but it's a thing that people say to each other, I think.
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| 179 | Teddy | Quotes | Quotes |
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Teddy
Teddy: Someone threw a snow cone at my windshield today. I thought I hit a rainbow. It was terrifying.
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| 180 | Teddy | Quotes | Quotes |
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Teddy
Teddy: What do you want to do, Bob? Work in this dead-end job the rest of your life, flipping burgers? You didn't exactly light the world on fire, Bob. You know what I mean? It's great, you got a restaurant here, but come on.
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| 181 | Teddy | Quotes | Quotes |
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Teddy
Teddy: You cutting me off, Bobby? You're cutting me off? Is this some kind of sick joke? Bob, if you take your burgers from me, I will murder you and your mouthy wife.
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| 182 | Teddy | Quotes | Quotes |
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Teddy
Teddy: You know, people sometimes have the same idea at the same time. Remember when Deep Impact and Armageddon came out in the same year? Or when Steve Harvey started going bald right when I started going bald? Spooky.
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| 183 | Tina Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
|
Tina Belcher
Tina Belcher: Come on, Dad, you need to get that test-meter for Mom - I'm starting to disappear!
|
| 184 | Tina Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
|
Tina Belcher
Tina Belcher: Don't take this the wrong way, but you both look like Nicholas Cage right now.
|
| 185 | Tina Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Tina Belcher
Tina Belcher: Full disclosure, this is squirrel blood, not human. Um, but each squirrel only bleeds a few ounces, so do the math. So many squirrels! She peels them like Fruit Roll-Ups!
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| 186 | Tina Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Tina Belcher
Tina Belcher: It was a complicated sandwich, and I was the salami in the middle.
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| 187 | Tina Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Tina Belcher
Tina Belcher: Money is just candy that hasn't been born yet.
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| 188 | Tina Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Tina Belcher
Tina Belcher: So, no socks, huh? You don't wear your sockies with your boaties... Ankles away... Anky Doodle Damn, D... Little something for the ank bank.
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| 189 | Tina Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Tina Belcher
Tina Belcher: So, that's it. There's no such thing as fate. Everything is randomness and chaos! A meteorite could crash into our house any second! No one is meant for anyone! Not a soul!
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| 190 | Tina Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Tina Belcher
Tina Belcher: Then they Quantum Leapt into the future to the day of their double wedding with Tina and Jimmy Jr., and they all lived happily ever after.
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| 191 | Tina Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Tina Belcher
Tina Belcher: When a mysterious cowboy/Santa says, Come with me, you climb on that horse and ride.
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| 192 | Tina Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Tina Belcher
Tina Belcher: With great jury comes great responsibility.
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| 193 | Tina Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
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Tina Belcher
Tina Belcher: Would you mind saying something to rev me up again? You know, Hulk me?
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| 194 | Tina Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
|
Tina Belcher
Tina Belcher: Your ass is grass and I'm gonna mow it.
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| 195 | Tina Belcher & Josh | Quotes | Quotes |
|
Tina Belcher & Josh
Tina Belcher: Just think of me as your Nutcracker. Sorry, that's the only ballet I know.
Josh: What about the Lipcracker?
Tina Belcher: Is that a real ballet, or are you asking me to kiss?
Josh: Both.
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| 196 | Tina Belcher & Sawyer D. | Quotes | Quotes |
|
Tina Belcher & Sawyer D.
Tina Belcher: Damn it, how many friggin' Sawyers go to this school?
Sawyer D.: Six. Lost was really popular when we were born.
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| 197 | Tina Bot | Quotes | Quotes |
|
Tina Bot
Tina Bot: I need your coat, your shoes, and your bike. Oh, you're a mannequin, or a woman-aquin. I like your hair.
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| 198 | Tina, Gene & Louise Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
|
Tina, Gene & Louise Belcher
Tina Belcher: Ooh, I got some Sticky Sugar-Booms. Nice.
Gene Belcher: Me, too. They're gonna be the second best booms I drop today. Kerplunk!
Tina Belcher: I can't open my mouth at all, but it's so good.
Louise Belcher: Yup. I can feel the flavor seeping into my teeth. Good-bye, teeth.
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| 199 | Tina, Linda & Bob Belcher | Quotes | Quotes |
|
Tina, Linda & Bob Belcher
Tina Belcher: But just then, a huge boom jolts the entire cruise liner. Seamen spill out all over the deck.
Linda Belcher: Tina! Oh, wait. You mean sailors. Never mind. Go on.
Tina Belcher: Wait, what? What did you think I meant?
Linda Belcher: Nothing, nothing. It's fine. You're fine.
Tina Belcher: Anyway, there's a ton of seamen all over the place.
Bob Belcher: Oh, my God.
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| 200 | Tina's Leg Hairs & Tina | Quotes | Quotes |
|
Tina's Leg Hairs & Tina
Tina's Leg Hairs (as she swings): This is fun! Higher, Tina, higher!
Tina (watching herself swing): No!
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| 201 | Zeke | Quotes | Quotes |
|
Zeke
Zeke: Hot damn, I'm excited! I haven't met anybody famous since the clown at my seventh birthday party. He wasn't famous then, but later he killed somebody.
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| 202 | Zeke | Quotes | Quotes |
|
Zeke
Zeke: I've had not one, not two, but three Tammy-tinis! I'm waiting for the sugar to hit me! Here I go, oh! It's coming! Here we go. Kaboom! I'm hyper. Officially hyper!
|
| 203 | Zeke | Quotes | Quotes |
|
Zeke
Zeke: No OMGMGTDP on TGD, that's BS!
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| 204 | Zeke | Quotes | Quotes |
|
Zeke
Zeke: Well, what a tangled-ass web we weave.
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