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| 1 | Arthur | Quotes | Quotes |
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Arthur
Arthur: Ford! There's an infinite number of monkeys outside who want to talk to us about this script for Hamlet they've worked out.
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| 2 | Arthur | Quotes | Quotes |
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Arthur
Arthur: This must be Thursday. I never could get the hang of Thursdays.
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| 3 | Arthur & Ford | Quotes | Quotes |
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Arthur & Ford
Arthur: Ford.
Ford: Yeah.
Arthur: What's this fish doing in my ear?
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| 4 | Arthur & Ford | Quotes | Quotes |
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Arthur & Ford
Arthur: If you're a researcher on this book thing and you were on Earth, you must have been gathering material on it.
Ford: Well, I was able to extend the original entry a bit, yes.
Arthur: Let me see what it says in this edition then, I've got to see it.
Ford: Yeah, okay.
Arthur: It doesn't have an entry!
Ford: Yes it does, down there, see at the bottom of the screen, just above Eccentrica Gallumbits, the triple-breasted whore of Eroticon 6.
Arthur: What? Harmless? Is that all it's got to say? Harmless! One word!
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| 5 | Arthur & Ford | Quotes | Quotes |
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Arthur & Ford
Arthur: What was that voice?
Ford: I don't know. It sounded like a measurement of improbability.
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| 6 | Arthur & Ford | Quotes | Quotes |
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Arthur & Ford
Arthur: Who was that?
Ford: Who- the man with the five heads and the elderberry bush full of kippers?
Arthur: Yes.
Ford: I don't know. Just someone.
Arthur: Ah.
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| 7 | Ford | Quotes | Quotes |
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Ford
Ford: It's a sort of electronic book. It tells you everything you need to know about anything. That's it's job.
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| 8 | Ford | Quotes | Quotes |
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Ford
Ford: Listen to me- I've got to tell you the most important thing you've ever heard. I've got to tell you now, and I've got to tell you in the saloon bar of the Horse and Groom.
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| 9 | Ford | Quotes | Quotes |
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Ford
Ford: Six pints of bitter, and quickly please, the world's about to end.
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| 10 | Ford | Quotes | Quotes |
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Ford
Ford: Teasers are rich kids with nothing to do. They cruise around looking for planets that haven't made interstellar contact yet and buzz them.
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| 11 | Ford | Quotes | Quotes |
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Ford
Ford: Teasers are usually rich kids with nothing to do. They cruise around looking for planets which haven't made interstellar contact yet and buzz them.
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| 12 | Ford | Quotes | Quotes |
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Ford
Ford: Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.
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| 13 | Ford & Arthur | Quotes | Quotes |
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Ford & Arthur
Ford: Keep looking at the book!
Arthur: What?
Ford: Don't Panic.
Arthur: I'm not panicking!
Ford: Yes, you are.
Arthur: All right, so I'm panicking, what else is there to do?
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| 14 | Ford & Arthur | Quotes | Quotes |
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Ford & Arthur
Ford: Listen!
Arthur: But I can't speak Vogon!
Ford: You don't need to. Just put this fish in your ear.
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| 15 | God & Man | Quotes | Quotes |
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God & Man
God: I refuse to prove that I exist, for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing.
Man: But, the Babel fish is a dead giveaway, isn't it? It could not have evolved by chance. It proves you exist, and so therefore, by your own arguments, you don't.
God: Oh dear, I hadn't thought of that.
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| 16 | The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy | Quotes | Quotes |
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The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy
The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy: A towel is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar traveler can have.
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| 17 | The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy | Quotes | Quotes |
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The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy
The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy: Buzz - v. When teasers find some isolated spot with very few people around, then land right by some poor unsuspecting soul whom no one's ever going to believe and then strut up and down in front of him wearing silly antennas on their head and making beep beep noises. Rather childish really. See also: Teaser.
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| 18 | The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy | Quotes | Quotes |
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The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy
The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy: Don't Panic!
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| 19 | The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy | Quotes | Quotes |
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The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy
The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy: Frood. Really, amazingly together guy. Used in a sentence: Hey, you sass that hoopy Ford Prefect? There's a frood who really knows where his towel is.
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| 20 | The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy | Quotes | Quotes |
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The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy
The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy: Here is what to do if you want to get a lift from a Vogon: forget it. They are one of the most unpleasant races in the galaxy- not actually evil, but bad-tempered, bureaucratic, officious and callous. They wouldn't even lift a finger to save their own grandmothers from the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Trall without orders signed in triplicate, sent in, sent back, queried, lost, found, subjected to public inquiry, lost again, and finally buried in soft peat for three months and recycled as firelighters.
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| 21 | The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy | Quotes | Quotes |
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The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy
The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy: Here's what the Encyclopedia Galactica has to say about alcohol. It says that alcohol is a colorless volatile liquid formed by the fermentation of sugars and also notes its intoxicating effect on certain carbon-based life forms.
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| 22 | The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy | Quotes | Quotes |
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The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy
The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy: Hoopy - really together guy. Used in a sentence: "Hey, you sass that hoopy Ford Prefect? There's a frood who really knows where his towel is."
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| 23 | The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy | Quotes | Quotes |
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The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy
The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy: Sass. v. know, be aware of, meet, have sex with. Used in a sentence: "Hey, you sass that hoopy Ford Prefect? There's a frood who really knows where his towel is."
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| 24 | The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy | Quotes | Quotes |
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The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy
The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy: Strag - slang, for non-hitchhiker.
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| 25 | The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy | Quotes | Quotes |
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The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy
The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy: The Babel Fish is small, yellow and leechlike, and probably the oldest thing in the universe. It feeds on brainwave energy received not from it's own carrier but from those around it. It absorbs all unconscious mental frequencies from this brainwave energy to nourish itself with. It then excretes into the mind of its carrier a telepathic matrix formed by combining the conscious though frequencies with nerve signals picked up from the speech centers of the brain which has supplied them. The practical upshot of all this is that if you stick a Babel Fish in your ear you can instantly understand anything said to you in any form of language. The speech patterns you actually hear decode the brainwave matrix which has been fed into your mind by your Babel Fish.
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| 26 | Marvin | Quotes | Quotes |
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Marvin
Marvin: And then of course I've got this terrible pain in all the diodes down my left hand side.
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| 27 | Marvin | Quotes | Quotes |
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Marvin
Marvin: I was told to take you to the bridge. Probably the highest demand that will be made on my intellectual capacities today, I shouldn't wonder.
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| 28 | Marvin | Quotes | Quotes |
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Marvin
Marvin: Life - loathe it or ignore it, you can't like it.
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| 29 | Narrator | Quotes | Quotes |
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Narrator
Narrator: At that moment the bottom fell out of Arthur's mind. His eyes turned inside out. His feet began to leak out of the top of his head. The room folded flat around him, spun around, shifted out of existence and left him sliding out of his own navel. They were passing through hyperspace.
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| 30 | Narrator | Quotes | Quotes |
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Narrator
Narrator: Hooloovoo is a superintelligent shade of the color blue.
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| 31 | Narrator | Quotes | Quotes |
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Narrator
Narrator: If human beings don't keep on exercising their lips, he thought, their brains start working.
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| 32 | Narrator | Quotes | Quotes |
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Narrator
Narrator: Ix - boy who is not able satisfactorily to explain what a Hrung is, nor why it should choose to collapse on Betelgeuse Seven.
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| 33 | Narrator | Quotes | Quotes |
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Narrator
Narrator: The Dentrassis are an unruly tribe of gourmands, a wild but pleasant bunch whom the Vogons had recently taken to employing as catering staff on their long-haul fleets, on the strict understanding that they keep themselves very much to themselves.
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| 34 | Narrator | Quotes | Quotes |
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Narrator
Narrator: The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy also mentions alcohol. It says that the best drink in existence is the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster. It says that the effect of drinking a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster is like having your brains smashed out by a slice of lemon wrapped around a large gold brick. The Guide also tells you on which planets the best Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters are mixed, how much you can expect to pay for one and what voluntary organizations exist to help you rehabilitate afterward. The Guide even tells you how you can mix one yourself.
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| 35 | Narrator | Quotes | Quotes |
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Narrator
Narrator: The infinite Improbability Drive is a wonderful new method of crossing vast interstellar distances in a mere nothingth of a second, without all that tedious mucking about in hyperspace.
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| 36 | Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz  | Quotes | Quotes |
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Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz
Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz: Apathetic bloody planet, I've no sympathy at all.
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| 37 | Sign | Quotes | Quotes |
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Sign
Sign on the door of disused lavatory in the local planning office where the plans for the bypass were stored in a locked filing cabinet: Beware of the Leopard.
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| 38 | Slartibartfast | Quotes | Quotes |
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Slartibartfast
Slartibartfast: I'd far rather be happy than right any day.
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| 39 | Vogon Guard | Quotes | Quotes |
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Vogon Guard
Vogon Guard: Resistance is useless!
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| 40 | Zaphod Beeblebrox & Eddie | Quotes | Quotes |
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Zaphod Beeblebrox & Eddie
Zaphod Beeblebrox: Computer, tell us what our present trajectory is.
Eddie: A real pleasure, feller, we are currently in orbit at an altitude of three hundred miles around the legendary planet of Magrathea.
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