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| 1 | 13th Annual Festival  | Events | Fairs and Festivals |
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13th Annual Festival
Poster on the wall in the office of the Philadelphia Motion Picture Society, where Dennis seeks funding for his erotic memoirs.
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| 2 | Abani Berry | Living Things | Plants |
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Abani Berry
Dee gets involved with Invigaron, a pyramid scheme selling Abani berry juice.
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| 3 | According to Mac and Charlie, who is the... | Trivia | Questions |
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According to Mac and Charlie, who is the most underrated actor of all time?
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Rowdy Roddy Piper |
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M. Night Shyamalan |
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Dolph Lundgren |
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| 4 | The Annual Big Race | Events | Sporting Events |
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The Annual Big Race
Ski race at the Alpine Ridge ski resort.
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| 5 | Artemis  | Quotes | Quotes |
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Artemis
Artemis: The name's Artemis. I have a bleached asshole.
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| 6 | Ass Kickers United | Organizations | Religious Organizations |
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Ass Kickers United
Cult Dennis accidentally started to get Mac to stop eating his thin mint cookies. Ass Kickers United is a way of life based on the life-improvement teachings of the Master. The Master is the only human to ever achieve enlightenment through the way of the warrior.
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| 7 | Best Bar Award | Recognition | Awards |
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Best Bar Award
Award from the city of Philadelphia that the gang is determined to win for Paddy's Pub.
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| 8 | Best Song Award | Recognition | Awards |
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Best Song Award
Award Charlie makes up that he wants to win for Paddy's Pub, along with the Best Bar Award.
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| 9 | Birds of War | Sports | Sports Teams |
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Birds of War
Dennis, Mac and Charlie's wrestling team.
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| 10 | The California Open | Events | Sporting Events |
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The California Open
Tennis event Dee makes up when she's trying to convince the ladies to try to beat Martina Navratilova's drinking record.
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| 11 | Charlie | Quotes | Quotes |
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Charlie
Charlie: Here's a confession. I'm in love with a man. What? I'm in love with a man a man called God. Does that make me gay? Am I gay for God? You betcha.
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| 12 | Charlie | Quotes | Quotes |
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Charlie
Charlie: I'm like a janitor at, um, I'm a full-on rapist, you know? Uh, Africans, dyslexics, children, that sort of thing.
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| 13 | Charlie | Quotes | Quotes |
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Charlie
Charlie: That's politics, bitch!
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| 14 | Charlie | Quotes | Quotes |
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Charlie
Charlie: You should see Frank's balls. They're like plants.
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| 15 | Charlie | Quotes | Quotes |
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Charlie
Charlie: Zombies. I seen it once before in a rat, and I seen it now in men. Once one gets a taste for its own kind, it can spread through the pack like a wildfire. Mindlessly chomping and biting at their own hinds. Nothing but the taste of flesh on their minds. You know the thing about a rat? It's got life in its eyes. Black eyes like a doll's eye. Don't seem to be living at all when it come at ya. Till it bites ya. And then the eyes roll over white. You don't hear nothing but the screaming and the hollering.
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| 16 | Charlie, Dennis & Frank | Quotes | Quotes |
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Charlie, Dennis & Frank
Charlie: Dude, get these guys out of here, all right? We're gonna be the father of the baby now. We're gonna be the fathers.
Dennis: It has been decided, so sayeth Thor.
Charlie: Thor said it.
Frank: The who?
Dennis: Thor.
Frank: Who Thor?
Charlie: Is that your Greek God reference?
Dennis: He's a Nordic God.
Charlie: Nordic God.
Dennis: I said something else earlier that sounded a lot cooler than that.
Charlie: That one didn't really work.
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| 17 | Cricket | Quotes | Quotes |
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Cricket
Cricket: I call this one Dog Three-Way, 'cause I was recently in a dog three-way. Actually, four with me, so, four-way. I was in a dog orgy.
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| 18 | Cricket | Quotes | Quotes |
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Cricket
Cricket: Well, uh, the other morning I wake up, I find a dog sniffin' at my wound. He's fully aroused, mind you. So I'm thinking, "Oh, great. What does this jerk want?"'Course I know what he wants. He's lookin' at me right in the eyes. He does not have to say it. Not that he could. I mean, does my scar look like a dog's vagina? You know? Maybe. I don't know. I'm not gonna sit here and try to get inside the mind of a dog. I mean, that's God's work. Well, not that I believe in God. I don't. Not since that China man stole my kidney.
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| 19 | Dee | Quotes | Quotes |
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Dee
Dee: Come on! I'll show you what's final, you redneck son of a bitch! I will burn you alive like the last bitch who crossed me!
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| 20 | Dee | Quotes | Quotes |
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Dee
Dee: Hope you suck each other's rotten peckers until you get mouth cancer.
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| 21 | Dee | Quotes | Quotes |
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Dee
Dee: I decided to stop showering. I just figured, What's the point? I'm just a filthy person. I passed out at the park the other day, and a couple of kids wrote, Wash me in the filth on my vagina.
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| 22 | Dee | Quotes | Quotes |
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Dee
Dee: I don't need to be on that list, you idiot. You piece of dirt. Who are you? I step on you. I clean you off of my shoes at night. I step on you, and then I throw away the shoe. That shoe that I just threw away, that's worth more than your worthless life, mister. And I am pissed because I loved that shoe. You dirt. You piece of subhuman shit.
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| 23 | Dee | Quotes | Quotes |
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Dee
Dee: I will eat your babies, bitch!
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| 24 | Dee  | Quotes | Quotes |
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Dee
Dee: I'll see you in hell, boners.
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| 25 | Dee | Quotes | Quotes |
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Dee
Dee: I'm gonna have you fired, dick hole. Do you know who I am? Do you have any idea? Or is your brain too tiny to have ideas? Is there any kind of thought roaming around in that thick, shit skull of yours?
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| 26 | Dee | Quotes | Quotes |
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Dee
Dee: Later, boners.
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| 27 | Dee | Quotes | Quotes |
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Dee
Dee: No, Dennis, I don't have more crack. No one in the history of crack has ever woken up in the morning with more crack.
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| 28 | Dee | Quotes | Quotes |
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Dee
Dee: Oh, Karen, you bitch. You dumb idiot. You stupid savage. You're not the alpha here, you crusty-ass fool. Oh, I'm gonna cuck you so hard. Your boy toy he's mine. I will destroy you. I am a 2018 Range Rover woman. I am a golden goddess. Who are you, idiot? Savage! Idiot!
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| 29 | Dee & Mac | Quotes | Quotes |
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Dee & Mac
Dee: What are you talking about? You were just telling Charlie this morning all about the, "Oh, have you seen X-Men?" and "My seed," and...
Mac: Well, I was joking with Charlie. That could never happen in the real world, Dee. That's like, a comic book thing.
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| 30 | Denim Chicken | Recipes | Recipes-misc |
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Denim Chicken
Strange dish the gang makes for Charlie for his birthday surprise party after finding a sketch in his dream journal.
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| 31 | Dennis | Quotes | Quotes |
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Dennis
Dennis: All right, there's that anger coming up again. I'm getting weird and arch. But that's the gang's fault. That's, that's not me. I'm fine, see? I'm I'm calm, man. I'm cool as a cucumber. It's all good. It's all good. I'm talking to myself. But that's just 'cause I've got shit to say, you know?
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| 32 | Dennis | Quotes | Quotes |
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Dennis
Dennis: If you do not get my sister her stories and a new room as soon as possible then I will come down on this hospital like the hammer of Thor. The thunder of my vengeance will echo through these corridors like the gust of a thousand winds!
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| 33 | Dennis | Quotes | Quotes |
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Dennis
Dennis: She'll be a fitting reward for me after I win the big race. Until then, Tatiana, I want you to clean yourself, for I will enter you hard and deep, and it will last for as long or as short as I please. But you will be clean. Only when you are clean will you know my power.
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| 34 | Dennis | Quotes | Quotes |
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Dennis
Dennis: Then I busted out this sweet Thor line on this lady because she was pissing me off. It was, like, boom! I really hit her with it. And I never reference the Nordic gods.
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| 35 | Dennis | Quotes | Quotes |
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Dennis
Dennis: Tonight we cross the plane of reality into the dimension of no place or time.
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| 36 | Dennis | Quotes | Quotes |
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Dennis
Dennis: We do have an American hero in the house tonight. A strong man, a brave man. He's the kind of man who knows exactly who he is. He doesn't hide under a toupee. He faces his challenges, instead of just retreating to the sewers nude to forage for rings and coins. Or to the toilets. Or to a life filled with rats. He's the kind of man who gives me the courage to do an amazing double jackknife twist, which I did. Most of you people wouldn't even attempt that. I did it. And to go down on Chrissy Orlando on the trampoline later, on the very same night, which I also did. And I licked her asshole a little bit. It was pretty good. It was all right. It wasn't great. But it was fine. And I knew that it was gonna be fine because this guy would be here to catch me if I faltered. Yeah. The world is a safer place when he's around.
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| 37 | Dennis | Quotes | Quotes |
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Dennis
Dennis: Welcome, sexual conquest. As previously discussed, you've pressed the button on the alarm clock, signifying your permission to begin the game. A digital copy of your thumbprint has been sent as your e-signature confirming your full consent for whatever may happen to you. We've also discussed the safe word. Feel free to use it at any time but, as we both know, from your Craigslist profile, you probably won't. Good luck.
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| 38 | Dennis | Quotes | Quotes |
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Dennis
Dennis: You don't really know what hot is, do you? Hot's a storm. You ever been in a storm, Wally? I mean, a real storm? Not a thunderstorm, but a storm of fists raining down on your head. Blasting you in the face. Pummeling you in the stomach. Hitting you in the chest so hard you think your heart's gonna stop. You ever been in a storm like that, Wally?
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| 39 | Dennis | Quotes | Quotes |
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Dennis
Dennis: You're confusing your life with Rambo again, Frank.
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| 40 | Dennis & Charlie | Quotes | Quotes |
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Dennis & Charlie
Dennis: I mean, I think this really could be a show, with your mom as the star, I mean, imagine what that would do for your mom. I mean, what do you think?
Well, now I'm thinking about my mom starring in a show, and I like it. Um, now I'm thinking about minotaurs. Now I'm thinking about a hoagie sandwich. Now I'm thinking about a glass of water to go with the chips. How many of my thoughts do you need? Do you want me to go on and on, or...
Dennis: No, that's... we're good.
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| 41 | Dennis & Dee | Quotes | Quotes |
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Dennis & Dee
Dennis: Dee? I swear you would be of more use to me if I skinned you and turned your skin into a lampshade. Or fashioned you into a piece of high-end luggage. I can even add you to my collection.
Dee: Are you saying that you have a collection of skin luggage?
Dennis: Of course I'm not, Dee. Don't be ridiculous. Think of the smell.
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| 42 | Dennis Reynolds | Quotes | Quotes |
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Dennis Reynolds
Dennis Reynolds: Give me dong, or give me death.
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| 43 | Dennis, Mac, Frank & Charlie | Quotes | Quotes |
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Dennis, Mac, Frank & Charlie
Dennis: did you guys see Country Mac was riding his motorcycle? Badass, dude!
Mac: No, it was reckless once again.
Frank: He was like Batman, just zipping though cars. He beat us here by, like an hour.
Dennis Oh, I want to get a motorcycle, man.
Charlie: Dude, we should all get motorcycles!
Mac: Okay, that's enough, okay, enough about Country Mac.
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| 44 | Dennis' childhood stuffed elephant's nam... | Trivia | Name Game-Animals |
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Dennis' childhood stuffed elephant's name.
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Mr. Tibbs |
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Mr. Weedon |
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Mr. Sharpe |
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| 45 | Dr. Jinx | Quotes | Quotes |
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Dr. Jinx
Dr. Jinx: Mother Earth don't play.
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| 46 | Ducks | Sports | Basketball Teams |
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Ducks
For their community service, Dennis and Dee coach kids' basketball teams.
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| 47 | Frank | Themes | Mouth of Madness |
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 | | #846803 | #ad913a | #c6aa53 |
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| 48 | Frank | Quotes | Quotes |
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Frank
Frank: Charlie, let's go get this worm out of my ass.
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| 49 | Frank | Quotes | Quotes |
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Frank
Frank: Cults are great for attracting new age tail.
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| 50 | Frank | Quotes | Quotes |
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Frank
Frank: Frank: Well, I don't know how many years on this earth I got left. I'm gonna get real weird with it.
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| 51 | Frank | Quotes | Quotes |
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Frank
Frank: Hey, Larry? How soon can you get to the Hyatt? My dong fell out. Some woman saw it.
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| 52 | Frank | Quotes | Quotes |
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Frank
Frank: Masturbating bums are bad for business.
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| 53 | Frank | Quotes | Quotes |
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Frank
Frank: Oh, whoops! Oh, I dropped my monster condom that I use for my magnum dong.
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| 54 | Frank | Quotes | Quotes |
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Frank
Frank: Some cocks can't be un-sucked.
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| 55 | Frank | Quotes | Quotes |
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Frank
Frank: That is politics, bitch!
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| 56 | Frank | Quotes | Quotes |
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Frank
Frank: The acid's making me feel like I gotta take a dump.
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| 57 | Frank | Quotes | Quotes |
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Frank
Frank: The fastest growing marketplace is muslim extremists.
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| 58 | Frank | Quotes | Quotes |
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Frank
Frank: We almost got T-boned by an Asian. It was totally my fault. She did everything by the book. Very surprising. Also, Dee banged a kid.
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| 59 | Frank | Quotes | Quotes |
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Frank
Frank: We did a bunch of those Monster Energy drinks and dry humped. It was awful. I think she gave me poison ivy.
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| 60 | Frank & Charlie | Quotes | Quotes |
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Frank & Charlie
Frank: I was hunted once. I just came back from Nam. I was hitching through Oregon and some cop started harassing me. Next thing you know, I had a whole army of cops chasing me through the woods. I had to take 'em all out. It was a bloodbath.
Charlie: That's Rambo, dude.
Frank: What?
Charlie: You just described the plot of Rambo.
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| 61 | Frank & Dee | Quotes | Quotes |
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Frank & Dee
Frank: You sound like a 12-year-old. It's a total turnoff. My cock ring is sliding off.
Dee: Why my father is talking to me with a cinch around his penis is beyond my grasp.
Frank: You gotta be ready for when the orgy breaks out.
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| 62 | Frank Reynolds' Little Beauties | Events | Beauty Pageants |
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Frank Reynolds' Little Beauties
Frank's child beauty pageant.
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| 63 | Frank Vs. Russia | Themes | Flatliners 2 |
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 | | #252422 | #686868 | #000000 |
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| 64 | Frige It Bitches | Sports | Bowling Teams |
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Frige It Bitches
The Waitress' bowling team.
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| 65 | Fun Zone Dolla Dollar Bills | Money | Currency |
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Fun Zone Dolla Dollar Bills
Currency at laser tag franchise Fun Zone, featuring the founder and owner Rutherford B. Crazy.
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| 66 | The Gang Chokes | Themes | Gray Eagle |
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 | | #302733 | #57475d | #635269 |
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| 67 | The Gang Chokes | Themes | Flatliners 2 |
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 | | #341833 | #744668 | #000000 |
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| 68 | Grilled Charlie | Recipes | Recipes-Sandwich |
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Grilled Charlie
Sandwich that Charlie teaches Frank how to make. Chocolate inside. Butter inside. Cheese outside. Peanut butter outside.
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| 69 | Grilled Frank with Sausage, Spam and Bac... | Recipes | Recipes-Breakfast |
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Grilled Frank with Sausage, Spam and Bacon, Wrapped in a Jelly Pancake and Cooked with a Stick of Butter.
Dish Charlie cooks for Frank when he retires.
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| 70 | Hanging Monster Dong Lucky Strike Chili ... | Sports | Bowling Teams |
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Hanging Monster Dong Lucky Strike Chili Cheese Fryers
The guys' bowling team when they go up against the girls (the Frige It Bitches).
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| 71 | Larry Takashi | Quotes | Quotes |
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Larry Takashi
Larry Takashi (suicide note): It all meant nothing.
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| 72 | Lot Lizard | Language | Sexual Jargon |
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Lot Lizard
Trucker's name for a truck stop whore.
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| 73 | Mac | Quotes | Quotes |
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Mac
Mac: Charlie, what is so hard to understand? I believe that if I inseminated the right woman, our seed could potentially - through an X-Men-type genetic mutation - create a son capable of bending steel.
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| 74 | Mac | Quotes | Quotes |
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Mac
Mac: Hey, I'm Mac, former party boy. Looking to get back into the party-boy scene. You want me to milk your adrenal gland? You'll go berserk.
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| 75 | Mac | Quotes | Quotes |
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Mac
Mac: Oh, look at Sweet Dee sitting on her cloud of judgment handing down life lessons to all the sinners.
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| 76 | Mac | Quotes | Quotes |
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Mac
Mac: The streets are flooded with the ejaculate of the homeless and you people are counting on the police?
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| 77 | Mac | Quotes | Quotes |
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Mac
Mac: Whose fault is that Captain America?
 
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| 78 | Mac's Famous Mac and Cheese | Recipes | Recipes-misc |
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Mac's Famous Mac and Cheese
Mac's special recipe.
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| 79 | Meat Cube | Recipes | Recipes-misc |
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Meat Cube
New snack the gang accidentally comes up with while listening to Mac's plan to use plunger to create a meet cute.
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| 80 | Milk Steak | Recipes | Recipes-misc |
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Milk Steak
Charlie's favorite food, preferably cooked boiled over hard.
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| 81 | Otter | Language | Sexual Jargon |
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Otter
Term Dee explains to Frank at gat gentleman's club Club Risque: A subsection of bear. Still hairy, but where a bear generates his power through sheer mass alone, the otter generates his power through extraordinary quickness, cunning, and skill.
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| 82 | Paddy's Dollars | Money | Currency |
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Paddy's Dollars
Inspired by Dave and Buster's Power Card, Dennis and Mac attempt to create a self-sustaining economy for Paddy's Pub.
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| 83 | Pepper Jack | Quotes | Quotes |
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Pepper Jack
Pepper Jack: Oh, Pepper Jack love Fraggle Rock.
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| 84 | Phil | Quotes | Quotes |
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Phil
Phil (cop): Sorry, pal. That's politics.
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| 85 | Philadelphia Small Business Investment C... | Events | Conventions and Seminars |
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Philadelphia Small Business Investment Conference
Conference where the gang attempts to sell Paddy's Pub merchandise.
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| 86 | Rob Thomas | Quotes | Quotes |
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Rob Thomas
Rob Thomas: Watch your ass, new-meat!
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| 87 | Rum Ham | Recipes | Recipes-misc |
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Rum Ham
Frank's special recipe.
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| 88 | Sailor's Rot | Medical Conditions | Conditions |
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Sailor's Rot
Dr. Jinx diagnoses Mac's rash: What you have there, my friend, that's sailor's rot. When was the last time you've been to Haiti? Did you have intercourse with any hoes, ladies of the nights, or prostitutes?
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| 89 | Scott Bakula | Quotes | Quotes |
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Scott Bakula
Scott Bakula: How did they know That my wife took it all? And I'm not researching roles How did they know? Ziggy, if you hear me, take me far, far from here. Let me leap to '89 That was a better year. I miss my old Camaro and my mansion in Van Nuys, wish I still hung with Nash Bridges, playing poker with The Fall Guy. Oh, Ziggy, can you see my tears? Ziggy! Leave me far, far from here.
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| 90 | Season 16 | Themes | Mouth of Madness |
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 | | #352e4c | #6c5e9c | #867aaf |
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| 91 | Sinbad | Quotes | Quotes |
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Sinbad
Sinbad: My bad, I didn't know you was hurting like that. My bad. 'Cause I've hurt before, you've hurt before, we all hurt. So I'm just gonna break it down. I introduce myself right. That was wrong. I'm Sinbad. That's my head shot. I'll autograph it for you a little later on. And this is Sinbad's house, and you my bitch!
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| 92 | Sinbad | Quotes | Quotes |
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Sinbad
Sinbad: Yeah, you in hell, all right! Know what? My name is Sinbad. This is Sinbad's house! When you in Sinbad house, you my bitch! Yeah, you know who that is? That's Rob Thomas from Matchbox 20. Sing a song. Shut up!
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| 93 | Twank | Language | Sexual Jargon |
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Twank
Term Dee explains to Frank at gat gentleman's club Club Risque: A cross between a Twink and a skank. Essentially a ragdoll, just being passed around from twink to twunk to bear to otter.
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| 94 | Twunk | Language | Sexual Jargon |
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Twunk
Term Dee explains to Frank at gat gentleman's club Club Risque: A cross between a Twink and a hunk. A twink with muscles, but still hairless.
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| 95 | Untitled | Themes | Mouth of Madness |
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 | | #1c2d2b | #3b5d59 | #5f9d95 |
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| 96 | Untitled | Themes | Mouth of Madness |
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 | | #3d2c25 | #755447 | #a27665 |
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| 97 | Untitled | Themes | Solo |
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 | | #571a0c | #b4322f | #15987c |
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| 98 | Untitled | Themes | Wall v2, The |
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 | | #733529 | #91543d | #445d56 |
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| 99 | Untitled | Themes | Flatliners 2 |
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 | | #a92e27 | #3b3c43 | #000000 |
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| 100 | Waitress | Quotes | Quotes |
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Waitress
Waitress: Charlie Kelly, I have been waiting for this for a long time, you poop-smelling trash person. Your face, it looks like a troll! You look like you have troll features! You stalked me! There's something wrong with you! Your brain is broken! I hate you! I hope you die! And I hope you go to hell! And I hope it burns!
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| 101 | Wendy | Quotes | Quotes |
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Wendy
Nurse Wendy: You ain't going nowhere. Get your narrow ass back in that waiting room before I knock you in there. You have done enough today. Crazy-ass white boy steadily dressing up folk and talking about Thor.
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| 102 | What is the gang's cabin number on the C... | Trivia | Numbers Game |
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What is the gang's cabin number on the Christian cruise ship?
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| 103 | What is the name of the lab rat in the i... | Trivia | Name Game-Animals |
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What is the name of the lab rat in the intelligence experiment?
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Armitage Shanks |
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Delta |
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Moen |
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| 104 | When Dennis and Mac are creating Charlie... | Trivia | Questions |
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When Dennis and Mac are creating Charlie's online dating profile on Match.com, what does Charlie say is his favorite food?
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Milk steak |
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Triple Decker Eggo Extravaganza |
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Banana Cake With Mealworms~ |
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| 105 | When Dennis and Mac are creating Charlie... | Trivia | Questions |
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When Dennis and Mac are creating Charlie's online dating profile on Match.com, what does Charlie say is his favorite hobby?
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Hornet stings |
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Magnets |
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Snowboarding |
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| 106 | When Dennis and Mac are creating Charlie... | Trivia | Questions |
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When Dennis and Mac are creating Charlie's online dating profile on Match.com, which of the following does he NOT list as one of his 'Likes'?
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Jesus Christ |
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Peoples| knees |
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Little green Ghouls |
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| 107 | Wildcats | Sports | Basketball Teams |
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Wildcats
For their community service, Dennis and Dee coach kids' basketball teams.
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| 108 | Yestergay | Language | Sexual Jargon |
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Yestergay
Term Dee explains to Frank at gat gentleman's club Club Risque: A lot of men bounce around from label to label never quite finding their proper gay home. My hunch is that this gentleman has gone from a twink to a twunk to a twank.
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