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| 1 | Abed   | COMMUNITY 2009 TV Series | Other | Quotes | Quotes |
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 | COMMUNITY
Abed
Abed: I was looking for you. We discovered you're the reason we all went to Greendale. You linked all of our stories. Like how the Cosmic Cube assembled the Avengers. That, and the 4-billion-dollar deal with Disney. Turns out you were always one of us. So I came to see if you wanted to get some frozen yogurt. |
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| 2 | Abed | COMMUNITY 2009 TV Series | Other | Quotes | Quotes |
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| COMMUNITY
Abed
Abed: Everyone else is growing and changing all the time, that's not my jam. I'm more fast-blinking, stoic, removed, uncomfortably self-aware type. Like Data or Johnny 5 or Mork or H.A.L. or K.I.T.T. Or K9 or Woodstock and/or Snoopy. Spock goes without saying. |
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| 3 | Abed  | COMMUNITY 2009 TV Series | Other | Quotes | Quotes |
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| COMMUNITY
Abed
Abed: Annie, when you laugh like that, you snort like a piglet. |
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| 4 | Abed | COMMUNITY 2009 TV Series | Other | Quotes | Quotes |
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| COMMUNITY
Abed
Abed: Go on about what? Her uneven bra padding? You look like you're smuggling a lime and a coconut. |
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| 5 | Abed | COMMUNITY 2009 TV Series | Other | Quotes | Quotes |
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| COMMUNITY
Abed
Abed: Do you mind that your face makeup doesn't match your neck? When I squint you look like a circus clown. |
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| 6 | Abed | COMMUNITY 2009 TV Series | Other | Quotes | Quotes |
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| COMMUNITY
Abed
Abed: LeVar Banana Burton. |
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| 7 | Abed | COMMUNITY 2009 TV Series | Other | Quotes | Quotes |
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| COMMUNITY
Abed
Abed: Everybody in our crew had a job. T-bone was the bag man. He'd move the fingers to a storeroom where two of the girls did the packaging. We could trust them not to eat the supply because Britta was a vegetarian and Shirley figured that if she stole, she'd go to hell. They'd hand the stuff out the window to Annie. She was the leg man and the distributor. The crazy thing was... it was their food and we were stealing it and giving it back to them like it was a big favor. Nobody asked any questions because Pierce's experience as a CEO had taught him how to keep the wheels from squeaking. I had it all worked out on a schedule. |
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| 8 | Abed | COMMUNITY 2009 TV Series | Other | Quotes | Quotes |
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| COMMUNITY
Abed
Abed: As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be in a mafia movie. |
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| 9 | Abed | COMMUNITY 2009 TV Series | Other | Quotes | Quotes |
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| COMMUNITY
Abed
Abed: When characters feel like the show they're on is ending, their instinct is to spin off into something safer, in Jeff and Britta's case, something that would last six episodes and have a lot of bickering about tweezers and gluten, starring them and an equally W.A.S.P.-y brunette couple with a title like better with my worse half or awfully wedded or tying the not, but "knot" is spelt without a K, or #CouplePeopleProblems, and every episode, you get... |
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| 10 | Abed | COMMUNITY 2009 TV Series | Other | Quotes | Quotes |
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| COMMUNITY
Abed
Abed: Take this seriously. Stay on furniture. No books, no bags. The dead can't talk. No coming back as a lava monster. Oh, and because the non-awesome often need incentive to do awesome stuff, the final survivor will win my near mint condition number one issue of Space Clone, valued by the comics authority at $50,000. |
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| 11 | ABED | COMMUNITY 2009 TV Series | BBB | Video | Movies-misc |
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| COMMUNITY
ABED
Title of Abed's Jesus movie. "The story of the story is the story". |
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| 12 | Abed | COMMUNITY 2009 TV Series | Other | Quotes | Quotes |
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| COMMUNITY
Abed
Abed: I wanted to make a prequel and I ruined everything. I guess it could happen to anyone. I should probably write George Lucas a note of apology. |
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| 13 | Abed | COMMUNITY 2009 TV Series | Other | Quotes | Quotes |
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| COMMUNITY
Abed
Abed: All this time, I wondered what it was that brought our group together. But I forgot one thing all heroes need. They need an enemy. Batman has the Joker, the Justice League has the Legion of Doom, and this study group... has me. I'm the supervillain. Why didn't I see it before? I'm emotionless, logical, smarter than everybody else. |
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| 14 | Abed | COMMUNITY 2009 TV Series | Other | Quotes | Quotes |
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| COMMUNITY
Abed
Abed: You see, on the surface we seem like just a group of people from diverse backgrounds who have become unlikely friends. But according to my research, our paths have crossed many times. We were destined to meet. Like a team of superheroes. This is our origin story. |
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| 15 | Abed | COMMUNITY 2009 TV Series | Other | Quotes | Quotes |
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| COMMUNITY
Abed
Abed: Don't get cocky, kid. |
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| 16 | Abed | COMMUNITY 2009 TV Series | Other | Quotes | Quotes |
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| COMMUNITY
Abed
Abed: You know I have trouble reading people and I say the wrong things sometimes, and I noticed it was happening more often with you three than it was with the others. And then I noticed fluctuating patterns and started graphing them. And by the time I realized what I was actually measuring, it had started to yield really positive results for every body, so I kept doing it. |
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| 17 | Abed | COMMUNITY 2009 TV Series | Other | Quotes | Quotes |
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| COMMUNITY
Abed
Abed: Come with me if you don't want paint on your clothes. |
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| 18 | Abed | COMMUNITY 2009 TV Series | Other | Quotes | Quotes |
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| COMMUNITY
Abed
Abed: movie reference. |
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| 19 | Abed | COMMUNITY 2009 TV Series | Other | Quotes | Quotes |
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| COMMUNITY
Abed
Abed: I'm a bad person for tracking your location, but you altered my brain chemistry? I was up for three days that week. I invented an entire language, you fliztbarping gitzgorg. |
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