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| 1 | Ron Swanson  | PARKS AND RECREATION 2009 TV Series | Other | Quotes | Quotes |
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 | PARKS AND RECREATION
Ron Swanson
Ron Swanson: If you're watching this, it means that once again you have danced with the devil. Right now, you're probably thinking, "Tammy's changed. We'll be happy together. But you're only thinking that because she's a monstrous parasite who entered through your privates and lodged herself in your brain. So you have two choices. One, get rid of Tammy, or two, lobotomy and castration. Choose wisely. |
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| 2 | Ron Swanson | PARKS AND RECREATION 2009 TV Series | Other | Quotes | Quotes |
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| PARKS AND RECREATION
Ron Swanson
Ron Swanson: I enjoy government functions like I enjoy getting kicked in the nuggets with a steel-toe boot. But this hotel always serves bacon-wrapped shrimp. That's my number one favorite food wrapped around my number three favorite food. I'd go to a banquet and honor of those Somali pirates, if they served bacon-wrapped shrimp. |
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| 3 | Ron Swanson  | PARKS AND RECREATION 2009 TV Series | Other | Quotes | Quotes |
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| PARKS AND RECREATION
Ron Swanson
Ron Swanson: Is Star Wars the one with the little wizard boy? |
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| 4 | Ron Swanson | PARKS AND RECREATION 2009 TV Series | Other | Quotes | Quotes |
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| PARKS AND RECREATION
Ron Swanson
Ron Swanson: One day, Magnus, I will wear you as a jacket. |
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| 5 | Ron Swanson | PARKS AND RECREATION 2009 TV Series | Other | Quotes | Quotes |
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| PARKS AND RECREATION
Ron Swanson
Ron Swanson: Turns out the crotch blinder was inside you all along. |
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| 6 | Ron Swanson | PARKS AND RECREATION 2009 TV Series | Other | Quotes | Quotes |
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| PARKS AND RECREATION
Ron Swanson
Ron Swanson: This is not government work.As such, I treat it with care and attention. |
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| 7 | Ron Swanson | PARKS AND RECREATION 2009 TV Series | Other | Quotes | Quotes |
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| PARKS AND RECREATION
Ron Swanson
Ron: Blueprints for the future are a fool's errand. |
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| 8 | Ron Swanson | PARKS AND RECREATION 2009 TV Series | Other | Quotes | Quotes |
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| PARKS AND RECREATION
Ron Swanson
Ron: I love being a father, but there are a few things I miss. Silence, the absence of noise, one single moment undisturbed by the sounds of a children's TV program called Doc McStuffins. There is no quiet anymore. There is only Doc McStuffins. |
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| 9 | Ron Swanson | PARKS AND RECREATION 2009 TV Series | Other | Quotes | Quotes |
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| PARKS AND RECREATION
Ron Swanson
Ron Swanson: Normally, if given a choice between doing something and nothing, I'd choose to do nothing. But I will do something if it helps someone else do nothing. I'd work all night if it meant nothing got done. |
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| 10 | Ron Swanson | PARKS AND RECREATION 2009 TV Series | Other | Quotes | Quotes |
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| PARKS AND RECREATION
Ron Swanson
Ron Swanson: These people are soft. They're grill virgins. But by the time this day is over, they'll have been taken by the grill and delicately and tenderly shown the ways of flavorful meat love. |
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| 11 | Ron Swanson | PARKS AND RECREATION 2009 TV Series | Other | Quotes | Quotes |
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| PARKS AND RECREATION
Ron Swanson
Ron Swanson: It is a beautiful night for the end of the world. |
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| 12 | Ron Swanson | PARKS AND RECREATION 2009 TV Series | Other | Quotes | Quotes |
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| PARKS AND RECREATION
Ron Swanson
Ron Swanson: So you talked to Tammy? What's it like to stare into the eye of Satan's butthole? |
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| 13 | Ron Swanson | PARKS AND RECREATION 2009 TV Series | Other | Quotes | Quotes |
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| PARKS AND RECREATION
Ron Swanson
Ron Swanson: You had me at meat tornado. |
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| 14 | Ron Swanson | PARKS AND RECREATION 2009 TV Series | Other | Quotes | Quotes |
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| PARKS AND RECREATION
Ron Swanson
Ron Swanson: To me, this situation is a blood-soaked, nightmarish hellscape. |
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| 15 | Ron Swanson | PARKS AND RECREATION 2009 TV Series | Other | Quotes | Quotes |
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| PARKS AND RECREATION
Ron Swanson
Ron Swanson: I call this Turf and Turf. It's a 16-ounce T-bone and a 24-ounce porterhouse. Also, whiskey and a cigar. I'm gonna consume all of this at the same time because I am a free American. |
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| 16 | Ron Swanson | PARKS AND RECREATION 2009 TV Series | Other | Quotes | Quotes |
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| PARKS AND RECREATION
Ron Swanson
Ron Swanson: The whole point of this country is, if you want to eat garbage, balloon up to 600 pounds and die of a heart attack at 43, you can. You are free to do so. To me, that's beautiful. |
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| 17 | Ron Swanson | PARKS AND RECREATION 2009 TV Series | Other | Quotes | Quotes |
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| PARKS AND RECREATION
Ron Swanson
Ron Swanson: After I got home, I drank six more glasses of whiskey and then I finished crafting this small harp, using a band saw, a spoke shave and an oscillating spindle sander... But wait, there's more. Here are some photographs of me drinking the whiskey. You'll notice I'm holding up yesterday's newspaper, so you can tell that I'm not lying. |
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| 18 | Ron Swanson | PARKS AND RECREATION 2009 TV Series | Other | Quotes | Quotes |
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| PARKS AND RECREATION
Ron Swanson
Ron Swanson: Strippers do nothing for me. I like a strong, salt-of-the-earth, self-possessed woman at the top of her field. Your Steffi Grafs, your Sheryl Swoopeses. But I will take a free breakfast buffet any time, any. |
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| 19 | Ron Swanson | PARKS AND RECREATION 2009 TV Series | Other | Quotes | Quotes |
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| PARKS AND RECREATION
Ron Swanson
Ron Swanson: Don't like strip clubs. Smells like a wet mop in here. And I get the feeling that every one of these women is running a low-grade fever. |
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| 20 | Ron Swanson | PARKS AND RECREATION 2009 TV Series | Other | Quotes | Quotes |
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| PARKS AND RECREATION
Ron Swanson
Ron Swanson: Frankly, I emitted a noise. The noise was involuntary. Sometimes, a sound is just a sound. |
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| 21 | Ron Swanson | PARKS AND RECREATION 2009 TV Series | Other | Quotes | Quotes |
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| PARKS AND RECREATION
Ron Swanson
Ron Swanson: Tammy is a mean person. She's a grade-A bitch. Every time she laughs, an angel dies. Even telemarketers avoid her. Her birth was payback for the sins of man. |
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