TV Series 2003. Created by Chuck Lorre and Lee Aronsohn. Starring Charlie Sheen, Jon Cryer, Angus T. Jones, Marin Hinkle, Melanie Lynskey, Holland Taylor, Conchata Ferrell, Jennifer Taylor, April Bowlby, Ashton Kutcher, Amber Tamblyn and Edan Alexander.
Source Features: BBB (297) TIMELINE (13) MAP (18) QUOTES (52) TRIVIA (24) THEMES (2)
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1According to the frequently asked questi... TriviaNumbers Game

According to the frequently asked questions on CharlieHarperSucks.com, How long can you expect to date Charlie after you have sex with him?
It depends how late you sleep the next morning.
You can|t.
Why would you want to?


2Alan Birds Living ThingsBirds

Alan Birds
Joke Walden makes.

3Alan Harper QuotesQuotes

Alan Harper
Alan Harper: After dinner, I was thinking we could light a fire. Don't worry, I've got all the wood we need.

4Alan Harper QuotesQuotes

Alan Harper
Alan Harper: Charlie, stop sniffing the paralegals.

5Alan Harper QuotesQuotes

Alan Harper
Alan Harper: Fitful nights sleep in alcohol island?

6Alan Harper QuotesQuotes

Alan Harper
Alan Harper: Hi, I'm Alan. I'm a back doctor, but that doesn't mean I can't check out your front.

7Alan Harper QuotesQuotes

Alan Harper
Alan Harper: I tend to bring out the mothering instinct in women. Ironically, not my mother.

8Alan Harper QuotesQuotes

Alan Harper
Alan Harper: If you hope to have any kind of shot with this woman, you might want to lose the wedding ring. When it comes to dating, wedding rings are like kryptonite. If, you know, Superman was a vagina.

9Alan Harper QuotesQuotes

Alan Harper
Alan Harper: I'm a love bear. If I stop making love, I prevent forest fires.

10Alan Harper QuotesQuotes

Alan Harper
Alan Harper: Let's get you back to the Bat Cave, or whatever cave you crawled out of.

11Alan Harper QuotesQuotes

Alan Harper
Alan Harper: The Price of Healthy Gums is Eternal Vigilance.

12Alan Harper & Charlie Harper QuotesQuotes

Alan Harper & Charlie Harper
Alan Harper: Alright, even if I weren't deathly ill, which I am, I wouldn't go on a blind double date with you.
Charlie Harper: Why not?
Alan Harper: Summer of my junior year? The Seals and Crofts concert? You got the incredible cheerleader and I got her sister, the Incredible Hulk?
Charlie Harper: She really took a shine to you.
Alan Harper: Sure did. "Sara like puny Alan."

13Alan Harper & Charlie Harper QuotesQuotes

Alan Harper & Charlie Harper
Alan Harper: Hey, what's that splattered all over your shirt?
Charlie Harper: Coffee and breast milk.
Alan Harper: What happened? Did Starbucks merge with Hooters? Hooterbucks - I'd like a Double-D cup Latte, please.

14Alan Harper & Charlie Harper QuotesQuotes

Alan Harper & Charlie Harper
Alan Harper: When I moved in here, I said it was vital that we create a wholesome atmosphere for Jake. And you said, "I understand."
Charlie Harper: Alan, there's something you should know about me. When I say I understand, it doesn't mean I agree. It doesn't mean I understand. It doesn't even mean I'm listening.
Alan Harper: Then why do you say it?
Charlie Harper: It seems to make people happy, and that's what I'm all about.
Alan Harper: That's very altruistic, but I would prefer if you'd just be straight with me.
Charlie Harper: Fine.
Alan Harper: All I'm asking is that you keep in mind that we have an impressionable 10-year-old boy living here.
Charlie Harper: I understand.
Alan Harper: Thank you.

15Alan Harper & Jake Harper QuotesQuotes

Alan Harper & Jake Harper
Alan Harper: What doesn't kill us makes us stronger.
Jake Harper: Well, you must be like the Hulk.

16Alan Harper & James Earl Jones QuotesQuotes

Alan Harper & James Earl Jones
Alan Harper: Listen, would you mind recording my answering machine message for me?
James Earl Jones: That'll be an extra $500.
Alan Harper: That's okay, I'm rich now.
James Earl Jones: All right, what do you want, uh, This is CNN, or, Luke, I'm your father?

17Alan Harper & Walden Schmidt QuotesQuotes

Alan Harper & Walden Schmidt
Alan Harper: My point is, you can be whoever you want to be.
Walden Schmidt: I've never thought about it like that.
Alan Harper: Of course not. Why would Superman want to be Clark Kent?

18Alan's favorite meal. TriviaQuestions

Alan's favorite meal.
Red snapper
Catfish
Swordfish


19Alan's nickname for Walden. TriviaName Game-Nicknames

Alan's nickname for Walden.
Big Walrus
Wally Bear
My Little Walnut


20Alan's porn name - his first pet and the... TriviaName Game-Animals

Alan's porn name - his first pet and the street he lived on growing up.
Rusty Knob
Snowball Honeysuckle
Beebo Eighty-Ninth Street


21Artie Pliskin QuotesQuotes

Artie Pliskin
Artie Pliskin: The Wiggles can kiss my pasty white tushie!

22Bangkok Drippy Drip Medical ConditionsConditions

Bangkok Drippy Drip
Joke Evelyn makes about Charlie being sick.

23Berta QuotesQuotes

Berta
Berta: As long as we're discussing dining choices, why don't you bite me?

24Berta QuotesQuotes

Berta
Berta: You smell like a beer bottle that just fell out of Joe Camel's ass.

25Braves SportsBaseball Teams

Braves
Walden's future son's T-ball team.

26Brooke QuotesQuotes

Brooke
Brooke: It's like you're the Hulk, but only your balls got angry.

27Charlie Harper QuotesQuotes

Charlie Harper
Charlie Harper: Congratulations Alan, you've managed to take the fun out of boobs.

28Charlie Harper QuotesQuotes

Charlie Harper
Charlie Harper: I didn't need a reason to drink tonight, but it's nice to know I've got one.

29Charlie Harper QuotesQuotes

Charlie Harper
Charlie Harper: I guess your hearing is more acute when your nuts are on the line.

30Charlie Harper QuotesQuotes

Charlie Harper
Charlie Harper: It's been fun, but I am officially resigning as the mayor of Booger Town.

31Charlie Harper QuotesQuotes

Charlie Harper
Charlie Harper: Nice to see you again. Good luck with the penis.

32Charlie Harper QuotesQuotes

Charlie Harper
Charlie Harper: Oh, smells like one of us just crapped our pants, I sure hope it's you.

33Charlie Harper QuotesQuotes

Charlie Harper
Charlie Harper: People who live in fat asses shouldn't throw waffles.

34Charlie Harper QuotesQuotes

Charlie Harper
Charlie Harper: To the Batcave, Alfred.

35Charlie Harper QuotesQuotes

Charlie Harper
Charlie Harper: Welcome to the Matrix.

36Charlie Harper QuotesQuotes

Charlie Harper
Charlie Harper: When did I become the family dog?

37Charlie Harper QuotesQuotes

Charlie Harper
Charlie Harper: Whoa, slow down. Well, how drunk is she? Really? Batman drunk?

38Charlie Harper QuotesQuotes

Charlie Harper
Charlie Harper: Who's smiling now, shorty?

39Charlie Harper QuotesQuotes

Charlie Harper
Charlie Harper: You know what that smell is? Epiphany for men.

40Charlie Harper & Alan Harper QuotesQuotes

Charlie Harper & Alan Harper
Charlie Harper: Hey Alan, guess what?
Alan Harper: There is no god?
Charlie Harper: Oh on the contrary, there is a god, and he love me long time!

41Charlie Harper & Alan Harper QuotesQuotes

Charlie Harper & Alan Harper
Charlie Harper: Well that attitude is why you sleep alone with a copy of Monster Boobs magazine under your pillow.
Alan Harper: Stay out of my room.

42Charlie Harper & Jake Harper QuotesQuotes

Charlie Harper & Jake Harper
Charlie Harper: This conversation is over.
Jake Harper: Not if I keep talking.

43Charlie Harper & Jake Harper QuotesQuotes

Charlie Harper & Jake Harper
Charlie Harper: Want me to tuck you in?
Jake Harper: I'm too old to get tucked in, you... ass-face!

44Charlie Harper & Mia QuotesQuotes

Charlie Harper & Mia
Charlie Harper: Hey, you're a teacher.
Mia: Hey, you're a stalker.

45Charlie's Blackout Chili RecipesRecipes-misc

Charlie's Blackout Chili
Chili that Charlie makes sometimes when he's had too much to drink and doesn't remember making.

46Chelsea's cat's name. TriviaName Game-Animals

Chelsea's cat's name.
Merlin
King Arthur
Sir Lancelot


47Chelsea's father's dog's name. TriviaName Game-Animals

Chelsea's father's dog's name.
Professor
Skipper
Gilligan


48Chiropractor of the Year RecognitionAwards

Chiropractor of the Year
San Fernando Valley Chiropractic Association award that Alan received.



49Craters SportsSchool Mascots

Craters
In a flash forward to the year 2030, Louis attends Moon University, and there's a game between Jupiter State and Moon University. Go Craters!

50Evelyn Harper QuotesQuotes

Evelyn Harper
Evelyn Harper: So, I am zipping up my boots, and I am about to go onstage when this hausfrau from Tone-Deaf, Texas gets up, and starts singing my song. I think you can imagine how unhappy I was.

51Evelyn Harper QuotesQuotes

Evelyn Harper
Evelyn Harper: The woman I paid to raise you did not raise a fool.

52Fudge Covered Ham RecipesRecipes-misc

Fudge Covered Ham
Idea Charlie and Alan come up after eating fudge and honey baked ham.

53Honey Baked Fudge RecipesRecipes-misc

Honey Baked Fudge
Idea Charlie and Alan come up after eating fudge and honey baked ham.

54Honeymoon Pancakes RecipesRecipes-Breakfast

Honeymoon Pancakes
Jenny makes Alan and Walden Honeymoon Pancakes that looks like "hearts and arrows".

55Jake Harper QuotesQuotes

Jake Harper
Jake Harper: The names Kanockers. Vod Kanockers.

56Jake Harper QuotesQuotes

Jake Harper
Jake Harper: Want a glass of peanut butter?

57Jake's guinea pig's name. TriviaName Game-Animals

Jake's guinea pig's name.
Porky
Sylvester
Bugs


58Kandi's roommate's cat's name. TriviaName Game-Animals

Kandi's roommate's cat's name.
Boris
Adolf
Pierre


59Kate's porn name - her first pet and str... TriviaName Game-Animals

Kate's porn name - her first pet and street she lived on growing up.
Snowball Honeysuckle
Beebo Eighty-Ninth Street
Rusty Knob


60Laura Lang & Charlie Harper QuotesQuotes

Laura Lang & Charlie Harper
Laura Lang: Laura Lang.
Charlie Harper: Charlie Harper. Hey, didn't you used to date Superman?
That's Lana Lang. She was Superboy's girlfriend. And guys have been using that tired old line on me since the fifth grade.
Did it ever work?

61Lieutenant Wagner & Walden Schmidt QuotesQuotes

Lieutenant Wagner & Walden Schmidt
Lieutenant Wagner: See you at the gym.
Walden Schmidt: Okay, hasta la vista.

62Massive Mammory Syndrome Medical ConditionsSyndromes

Massive Mammory Syndrome
Alan mentions that he had an article published in which he coined the phrase Massive Mammory Syndrome for women with large breasts in the Journal of the American Chiropractic Association.

63McWalden RecipesRecipes-Sandwich

McWalden
Walden makes a breakfast sandwich called the McWalden, which Kate calls the McBypass.

64Mia's ballet friend's name. TriviaName Game

Mia's ballet friend's name.
Lovey
Ginger
Mary Ann


65Ms. Seabury QuotesQuotes

Ms. Seabury
Ms. Seabury (immediately after sex with Alan, before she dies): I want my watch back.

66Mystery Pie RecipesRecipes-Dessert

Mystery Pie
Rose brings a dessert called Mystery Pie to Charlie's Thanksgiving party.

67Name Alan comes up with for the cat in h... TriviaName Game-Animals

Name Alan comes up with for the cat in his pretend apartment.
Mr. Cat
Sir Cat
Dr. Cat


68Neighbor Ms. Seabury's dog's name. TriviaName Game-Animals

Neighbor Ms. Seabury's dog's name.
Ali
Bruno
Borat


69Ninja Death Toast RecipesRecipes-misc

Ninja Death Toast
Dangerous breakfast item that Charlie throws at Alan, injuring his eye.

70Palmolive Cup RecognitionAwards

Palmolive Cup
Charlie invents the indoor sport sockball to keep Jake occupied while Alan goes shopping, awarding him the "Palmolive Cup" award when Alan returns.

71Pavlov's Dogs SportsBaseball Teams

Pavlov's Dogs
Charlie plays softball for the Pavlov's Dogs as part of the Musicians Softball League.

72Pawn Broker QuotesQuotes

Pawn Broker
Pawn broker: My sphincter's tight with anticipation.

73Pretty Pink Ponies SportsBaseball Teams

Pretty Pink Ponies
Walden's future girl's T-ball team.

74Rose's father's name. TriviaName Game

Rose's father's name.
Frank
Jaxxon
Harvey


75Rose's new boyfriend's name. TriviaName Game

Rose's new boyfriend's name.
Levitt
Gordon
Joseph


76Rose's nickname for her new boyfriend, b... TriviaName Game-Nicknames

Rose's nickname for her new boyfriend, because he's hot and juicy.
Steak Sauce
Cheeseburger
Lamb Chop


77Southern California Trial Lawyers Associ... RecognitionAwards

Southern California Trial Lawyers Association Judge of the Year
Charlie's new appropriately aged judge girlfriend is recognized as Judge of the Year by the Southern California Trial Lawyers Association. Charlie ruins the ceremony after taking an unknown drug from Evelyn.

78Steven Tyler QuotesQuotes

Steven Tyler
Steven Tyler: Berta, if you're gonna do a guy in the laundry room, put a scarf on the doorknob or something.

79Untitled ThemesMouth of Madness


#422d56#7b5e98#9f88b7


80Untitled ThemesPleasantville


#a7334e#385c4f#c2beaa


81Walden Schmidt QuotesQuotes

Walden Schmidt
Walden Schmidt: I could totally be Spider-Man.

82Walden Schmidt QuotesQuotes

Walden Schmidt
Walden Schmidt: Okay, flame off, Human Torch.

83Walden Schmidt QuotesQuotes

Walden Schmidt
Walden Schmidt: Wow, this looks like Charlie Sheen's house.

84Walden Schmidt & Alan Harper QuotesQuotes

Walden Schmidt & Alan Harper
Walden Schmidt: Come on.
Alan Harper: Again, come on?
Walden Schmidt: I might need your help getting in a window.
Alan Harper: Now, I'm Spider-Man.

85Walden Schmidt & Alan Harper QuotesQuotes

Walden Schmidt & Alan Harper
Walden Schmidt: What if we were more than friends?
Alan Harper: Like super friends?

86Walden Schmidt & Alan Harper QuotesQuotes

Walden Schmidt & Alan Harper
Walden Schmidt: When Bridget and I first got together, we were pretty broke, so we exchanged these cheap bands. But then after I made my first million, I got matching ones made out of rhodium and platinum. In retrospect, I probably should have had them made out of pop and tears.
Alan Harper: What's rhodium?
Walden Schmidt: It's the most expensive metal in the world. To symbolize how precious our love was.
Alan Harper: That was very romantic. But again, Lex Luthor for lady parts.

87Walden's childhood gorilla brother's nam... TriviaName Game

Walden's childhood gorilla brother's name.
Vanilla
Priscilla
Magilla


88Walden's date Nadine's pig's name. TriviaName Game

Walden's date Nadine's pig's name.
Carl
Frank
Jason


89Walden's nickname for Alan. TriviaName Game-Nicknames

Walden's nickname for Alan.
Alley Cat
Alan-gator
Baby Alpaca


90Walden's porn name - his first pet and t... TriviaName Game-Animals

Walden's porn name - his first pet and the street he lived on growing up.
Snowball honeysuckle
Rusty Knob
Beebo Eighty-Ninth Street


91What did Evelyn call Charlie's penis whe... TriviaQuestions

What did Evelyn call Charlie's penis when he was a baby?
Mr. Pinky
Mr. Penis
Mr. Pee-Pee


92What does Evelyn say the cat's name when... TriviaName Game-Animals

What does Evelyn say the cat's name when Charlie was a baby?
Mr. Penis
Mr. Pee-Pee
Mr. Pinky


93What does Walden think Alan's favorite m... TriviaQuestions

What does Walden think Alan's favorite meal is?
Catfish
Red Snapper
Swordfish


94What name does Charlie use to post a mes... TriviaName Game

What name does Charlie use to post a message on CharlieHarperSucks.com?
Doghouse_Charles_210
Charlie_Freak_180
Chuck_U-Farley_002


95What's Evelyn's safe word? TriviaQuestions

What's Evelyn's safe word?
Academy
Umbrella
Hargreeves



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