Fiction Empire

Video

Movies-misc

Bailiff: The Musical: The Movie
Movie that Gurgs mentions: But you got to make it back before Chris Meloni shows up to sign posters for "Bailiff: The Musical: The Movie." He and I have unfinished business.

Blood Moon Binga
The staff plays a game called "Blood Moon Binga" on the night of the blood moon, tracking weird cases. Binga instead of Bingo, because "Blood Moon Bingo" is the title of a John Cusack movie.

Blood Moon Bingo
The staff plays a game called "Blood Moon Binga" on the night of the blood moon, tracking weird cases. Binga instead of Bingo, because "Blood Moon Bingo" is the title of a John Cusack movie.

Bold and Alone
Candle that Abby mentions: You know what goes great with the smug satisfaction of being right? One from our solo holiday collection. It's called Bold and Alone.

Brezza
Cigarette brand that Julianne smokes.

Brunchies
Women's hair product that Julianne mentions: Mm, sorry. I got out of the candle game. They're too heavy. But I started a new venture. Scrunchies for mature women. They're called Brunchies.

Butter
Generic butter spray product that Abby uses trying to free her and Dan from her father Harry's old magic box.

The Cable Gal
Theatrical production that Mayim Bialik mentions, inspired by the movie the Cable Guy: Oh. Everybody, this is Bryan. He's my acting coach. This whole thing has been character research for playing the role of a stalker in a new play. "The Cable Gal."

Camouflage: The Musical

Chester A. Arthur Elementary School

Camouflage: The Musical
Musical that Dan mentions: That's not what happened! I invested $5,000 in one of his flops... "CAMOUFLAGE: The Musical." He swore it would be a hit. The camouflage was so good, you couldn't even see anybody that was on the stage!

Carnival Breeze
Candle that Abby mentions: Can I interest you in a candle called Carnival Breeze? It smells like popcorn and wet hay.

ChairBNB
Gurgs launches a new mobile app - originally called InstaChair, but renamed ChairBNB after Abby suggests the new name. It's Uber for chairs. Gurgs mentions her company names ChairBNB LLC and it's parent company GurgsCo.

ChairBNB LLC
Gurgs launches a new mobile app - originally called InstaChair, but renamed ChairBNB after Abby suggests the new name. It's Uber for chairs. Gurgs mentions her company names ChairBNB LLC and it's parent company GurgsCo.

Education

Elementary Schools

Chester A. Arthur Elementary School
School that Jasmine, a court defendant, raises money for during her illegal bake sales.

Chez Louie
Restaurant that Olivia mentions: Your Honor, Mr. Crane is charged with disorderly conduct after forcing his way into the kitchen at Chez Louie and demanding to sanitize his dishes.

Chill Pill
Abby and Dan discuss.
Abby: Well, tonight I am a human chill pill.
Dan: As someone who took chill pills in the '80s, you need a new dealer.

Chromosomme
Restaurant where Dan tries to get a reservation. Apparently they use your own DNA to scientifically design your perfect meal.

Claivoyant Today
Magazine that Jovan reads, the most respected psychic in New York that Abby consults, hoping for a message from Harry.

Cola
Generic cola product in the cafeteria.

Crap Attack
Mobile game that Judge Stone mentions that she has on her phone.

A Dan for All Seasons

Desperation by Calvin and Hobbes

Literature

Books-Biography

A Dan for All Seasons
Leading title for Dan's memoir, which Gurgs' new assistant Madison mentions: Hi, Mr. Fielding. So I got the focus group research back. For your book title, "A Dan for All Seasons" narrowly beat out "Fielding of Dreams." But to be clear, people hated both of them.

De Bello's
Restaurant, where Dan meets his date. According to Neil, the minestrone is to die for.

Personal Care

Perfumes

Desperation by Calvin and Hobbes
Joke that Devin makes at Olivia's expense.
Devin: What's that perfume? Desperation by Calvin and Hobbes?
Olivia: So, you work at Loretta's law firm? Don't tell me you made partner 'cause then I would need to reintroduce myself and adjust my tone.

DiVitello's
Restaurant lawyer Mikey Pellino mentions to Olivia. Mikey Pellino: Speaking of breaking the ice, are you free tomorrow night? I know this little Italian place. It overlooks the most dangerous intersection in SoHo.

Dominic's Party Rentals

Esmerelda the Magnificent

Services

Party Services

Dominic's Party Rentals
Company that Jake uses to prepare for his wedding proposal to Abby.

Dork National
Newspaper that Dan reads.

Dr. Glossheimer
Grief therapist from joke Abby makes: Gotta figure out a way to smoke 'em out... What if I get some glasses, dust off my German accent, and post an ad as... (German accent) Dr. Glossheimer, a grief therapist for people who lost zheir fluffy white sheep?

Dr. Rodrigo
Julianne's boyfriend, one of the foremost pediatric heart surgeons in the country.

Services

Psychic Services

Esmerelda the Magnificent
Psychic accused of fraudulent activity.

Esplendida
Magazine that Gurgs reads in the cafeteria.

The Estelle Getty Museum

Entertainment

Museums

The Estelle Getty Museum
Abby Stone: So, the Getty Museum Nikolai almost had his painting in wasn't the famous one in L.A., it was...
Neil: It was The Estelle Getty Museum in Miami, Florida. Apparently, Nikolai learned American painting from watching Golden Girls reruns, and that's all he can paint.

Field Squab

Field Squab
When Abby makes a joke about Dan eating crow, a member of the Manhattan Heritage Club claims the kitchen serves crow, but it's called "Field Squab" on the menu.

Fielding and Jake
Company name that Jake brainstorms while working on Dan's chair: I got to tell you, there are so many people with squeaky chairs out there, we could start our own repair business. We could call it Fielding and Jake.

The Fielding Group
Dan creates an investor group to invest in a new dating app.

Funfetti Cookie Muffins

Gasparov's Downtown Dog Food

Funfetti Cookie Muffins
Abby gifts Neil's friend Gabby a copy of Julia Child's S'more-dorable Collection book, after bonding with her over the recipe for Funfetti Cookie Muffins. Apparently the book was used by the Zodiac Killer in one of his cyphers.

Pets

Pet Products

Gasparov's Downtown Dog Food
Pet store product that Dan wants to use in Gurgs' new courthouse welcome video. Dan: Every night, hundreds of people are gonna see this video. And I found a pet-store owner who wants access to those eyeballs. He gets advertising, I get a small finder's fee, and you get a-a bucket of cash to do whatever you want.

Gasparov's Frozen Mice

General Frumpton's Industrial Chicken Fe...

Pets

Pet Products

Gasparov's Frozen Mice
Pet store product that Dan wants to use in Gurgs' new courthouse welcome video. Dan: Every night, hundreds of people are gonna see this video. And I found a pet-store owner who wants access to those eyeballs. He gets advertising, I get a small finder's fee, and you get a-a bucket of cash to do whatever you want.

Goof-About's Prank and Discount Cellphon...

Pets

Pet Products

General Frumpton's Industrial Chicken Feed
The Wheeler family's chicken feed that Murray eats, and where Carol Ann Wheeler works, which she mentions while on the stand in court: I'm a feed rep for General Frumpton's Chicken Feed. "Frumpton's: It's what the thing you eat eats."

Green Juice and Mashed Potato Smoothie

Retail

Electronics Stores

Goof-About's Prank and Discount Cellphones
Store Abby mentions when it looks like her prank on the fun judge didn't work: It didn't work. Honestly, I expected more from the Guaranteed Yuks section at Goof-About's Prank and Discount Cellphones.

Green Juice and Mashed Potato Smoothie
Smoothie that Rand brings for Abby and Olivia.

GurgsCo
Gurgs launches a new mobile app - originally called InstaChair, but renamed ChairBNB after Abby suggests the new name. It's Uber for chairs. Gurgs mentions her company names ChairBNB LLC and it's parent company GurgsCo.

Imagis
Fashion magazine that Gurgs reads.

I'm Loretta Sour

Julia Child's S'more-dorable Collection

Mixed Drinks

I'm Loretta Sour
Mixed drink served at Roz's wedding that Dan mentions: So, which signature cocktail do you recommend? The "I'm Loretta Sour" or "Sex on the Roz"?

Jabot
Magazine that Gurgs reads in the cafeteria.

Jacques Bernard
Clothing store that Dan mentions: Wait a minute. That describes only one haberdasher in New York... Jacques Bernard! But he's never gonna reveal his client list.

Joltron
Caffeinated soft drink product inspire by Jolt that Gurgs and Olivia find in storage and decide to sell it. Gurgs: It has enough caffeine to kill a horse, and revive it... Joltron used to fly off the shelves. That was before it was blamed for the 1997 Summer of Sprees... carjacking, streaking, naked carjacking. It's Florida in a can.

Jovan
The most respected psychic in New York that Abby consults, hoping for a message from Harry.

Justin Long's Long Day's Justin into Nig...

Literature

Books-Cooking

Julia Child's S'more-dorable Collection
Cookbook. Abby gifts Neil's friend Gabby a copy of Julia Child's S'more-dorable Collection book, after bonding with her over the recipe for Funfetti Cookie Muffins. Apparently the book was used by the Zodiac Killer in one of his cyphers.

Kangaroo Fields Table Red

Justin Long's Long Day's Justin into Night
Play that Abby mentions - Justin Long's one-man show, a reimagining of the Eugene O'Neil classic.

Beverage Products

Wine

Kangaroo Fields Table Red
Wine in Dan's apartment that he brings out for his date. Apparently pairs well with Cheetos, Fritos, Doritos, Tostitos, any of the "to" snacks.

Khakis
Baked treat that Judge Stone brings to her coworkers.

Litty Girls
Strip club that Abby mentions while trying to find a little girl's letter to Santa: Wait - this isn't a letter from a little girl. It's a cease and desist from a strip club called Litty Girls.

Loganberry Pop

The Manhattan Heritage Club

Loganberry Pop
Abby brings snacks to court - "all of the finest Skaneatles delicacies", including Loganberry Pops and White Hots (weird-looking white bunless hot dogs).

Lube
Joke Abby makes: Ah. Yes. A lot of great musicals were based on porn. You know, "Grease" was originally titled "Lube."

Martini Toddwallis Spring 2024 Collectio...

Entertainment

Private Clubs

The Manhattan Heritage Club
Exclusive club that everybody wants to join, where Abby has a meeting.

Mr. Monk and the Bayou Blues

Apparel

Clothing Products

Martini Toddwallis Spring 2024 Collection
Gurgs: All rise. The Honorable Abby Stone presiding... in an original piece from the Martini Toddwallis spring 2024 collection.

McTaggart's
Restaurant that Abby mentions when Wyatt's friend Goose offers to take him out for passing the bar.
Goose: Hey, let me take you out. I'm treating you to a T-bone. No apps, no sides.
Abby: You don't go to McTaggart's for T-Bones. You go to see what they're willing to fry up these days. I mean, I don't know what they do, but if they fried keys, I'd eat them.

Morgues
Company name that Gurgs comes up with when she and Olivia find a case of the soft drink Joltron in a storage room. Gurgs: I bet we could sell this stuff. Just need a company name. Moore and Gurgs... We could be Morgues. "You'll die when you see our prices!" Whoo-hoo! This is gonna be fun!

Literature

Books-Fiction

Mr. Monk and the Bayou Blues
Dan's Monk fan fiction. Dan: It's my "Monk" fan fiction. You know what? Now that it's out, I would humbly have the pleasure of sharing it all with you. Ah... One thing to note... in my version, Monk doesn't have OCD. I never saw the point of that. Uh... "Monk climbed out of the Atchafalaya Basin, his body covered in mud... or as he liked to call it, 'Louisiana Gold.'" Also, one more note... in my version, Monk's a Cajun.

Mr. Saigon
Musical that producer Sy Hoffman mentions to Gurgs: You're very sweet to remember my glory days. Past couple of decades have been rough. My picker's been off. I put all my savings into a musical "Mister Saigon." It's about my dry cleaner, Teddy Saigon.

The Neil World
Podcast that Neil proposes starting - when he stops being polite and starts being Neil.

The New World
Newspaper visible on rack in the courthouse cafeteria.

New York National
Newspaper headline: Third Week of Garbage Strike, Everyone on Edge.

Nicolazzo's
Restaurant where Crash Wheeler was supposed to take Abby, but it burns down.

Night Court: The Musical

Please Get Sick: An Understudy Story

Night Court: The Musical
What starts out as Broadway producer Sy Hoffman's adaptation of Dan's memoir becomes a musical based on Night Court.

Offshore Bet Boys
Podcast that Olivia proposes starting.

Oontz
Underground nightclub that Abby mentions.
Abby: When Heather's around, it's always an adventure. One minute, we're getting cupcakes, the next, we're at an underground club called "Oontz."
Heather: It's named after the song. You know the one? (Singing) Oontz, Oontz, Oontz, Oontz.

Pale
Candy product visible on rack in the courthouse cafeteria.

Parents Weekly
Magazine Abby consults while babysitting Heather's baby.

Peaches and Clean
Candle that Julianne mentions at her candle party: Say hello to our newest... candle, Peaches and Clean. You know, these are guaranteed to move, so you grab your inventory and get out there and sell like your membership to this group depends on it, because it does.

Peanut Butter Pieces
Candy product visible on rack in the courthouse cafeteria.

Pellino & Carnes
Mikey Pellino and Calvin Carne's law firm., two lawyers with court business. Gurgs: The lawyer's with all the commercials. I love their jingle... (singing) Pellino & Carnes, we'll get you the cash. It's never your fault when you fall, slip, or crash... That song is dangerously catchy. They sued the guy who wrote it.

Peterman Publishing
Publishing house that Gurgs' new assistant Madison's father runs: My daddy runs Peterman Publishing, and he never lets me read anything. Not even a sneak peek of the Ray Charles biography. I had to find out he was blind with everyone else.

Please Get Sick: An Understudy Story
Theatrical production that Gurgs mentions to the producer, three-time Tony nominee Sy Hoffman: Mr. Hoffman, I'm a huge fan. I fell in love with the theater after seeing your production of "Please Get Sick: An Understudy's Story." And I'll just say you're even more handsome in person.

Reject Radio
Gurgs finds out that podcast host Remecca used to be a crazy sketchy shock jock on a radio station upstate called Reject Radio.

RrngdMrrg
When a guy named Brock advertises his new dating app RrngdMrrg (Arranged Marriage without the vowels), the staff wants to invest.

Sea Nick's
Male strip club that Gurgs mentions: By "scenic," she means "Sea Nick's", New York's only underwater-themed male strip club.

Sex on the Roz

Mixed Drinks

Sex on the Roz
Mixed drink served at Roz's wedding that Dan mentions: So, which signature cocktail do you recommend? The "I'm Loretta Sour" or "Sex on the Roz"?

Shamrock Shake

Shamrock Shake
St. Patrick's Day themed shake that Dan reminds Abby about - apparently she was seriously bothered when they pulled it early, when she thought it should have been available for all of March.

Shot Clock Showdown
Basketball game that Jasmine, a court defendant, features during her illegal bake sales.

Simon and Gurgfunkel
Band that Gurgs mentions: My dad and I have a family band that plays small clubs upstate. Have you ever heard of Simon and Gurgfunkel? Because those were our rivals.

Skaneatles
Abby brings snacks to court - "all of the finest Skaneatles delicacies", including Loganberry Pops and White Hots (weird-looking white bunless hot dogs).

The Social Archaeologist

Media

Podcasts

The Social Archaeologist
Podcast.

Staininator 3000
Vacuum cleaner.

Star Fight 6000
Pinball game featured in Gurgs' evidence locker draft.

Starla the Great
Harry's old magician's assistant visits the courtroom, gifting Abby a box used in his act. Both Abby and Dan get their arm stuck in the box, with Starla saying she'll release them if they give her Harry's book of secrets (kept by Abby in her office behind a phony collection of law books) so she can start her own magic act.

Studio 65
Nightclub, location of Jake's mother Susan's birthday party that Abby and Wyatt attend.

Swamp Delicacies
Restaurant that Dan mentions, his favorite growing up in Louisiana. You could pick your own alligator from a tank.

Tram
Train cover band that Abby mentions.

Trevnick's Pickles

Food

Fruits and Vegetables

Trevnick's Pickles
Pickle brand sold at the Union Square Farmers Market. Wyatt: I'm not great at changing the subject, but first up... the people versus Roscoe Verma. The defendant was involved in an altercation over a jar of pickles at the Union Square Farmers Market.
Olivia: Mr. Verma instigated a melee that led to him being tossed into a display of Amish gourds. The charges are destruction of property and defiling a pumpkin.
Dan: Your honor, the only thing my client is guilty of is enthusiasm. Trevnick Pickles are the city's finest. And this was the last jar at the farmer's market. I posit that perhaps the pickle purveyor prompted this predicament by producing and promoting this peerless pickle despite a paucity of product for the pumped pickle public... Proceed.

Tuwoods University
Framed degree on the wall in Abby's office.

Walker Texas Fragrance

Personal Care

Perfumes

Walker Texas Fragrance
Chuck Norris cologne that Dan mentions.

Westfield Pretzels
Snack food product visible on rack in the courthouse cafeteria.

Westview High School
High school that Olivia attended, where she was the Goblin mascot. The hacker releases a photo of her in uniform.

Wheeler World
Amusement park that Bob Wheeler mentions: Hey, there, Mr. Fielding! We just wanted to say thank you. Because of your good lawyering, General Frumpton gave us a financial reward in exchange for our silence... But some of it is for you. We're using the rest to open our own theme park - Wheeler World. It's like a water park but with mud. We're looking for investors.

White Hot

White Hot
Abby brings snacks to court - "all of the finest Skaneatles delicacies", including Loganberry Pops and White Hots (weird-looking white bunless hot dogs).

Zimmet Museum
Museum from multiple episodes.

FICTITIOUS TIMELINE

100

January 7, 1983
Date visible on box in storage room where Gurgs and Olivia find the case of Joltron soft drink.

101

February 19, 1985
Date visible on box in storage room where Gurgs and Olivia find the case of Joltron soft drink.

102

July 12, 1985
Date visible on box in storage room where Gurgs and Olivia find the case of Joltron soft drink.

103

June 8, 1986
Date visible on box in storage room where Gurgs and Olivia find the case of Joltron soft drink.

104

August 31, 1997
Date Abby mentions offering to help Wyatt pretend he's younger than he is: Ah. Say no more. I'll introduce myself as your much older co-worker and slip in that you were born on the day Diana died.

105

February 5, 2005
Date visible on box in storage room where Gurgs and Olivia find the case of Joltron soft drink.

106

October 8, 2022
Date that Maggie, Olivia's stenographer stalker, mentions when Olivia tries to get out of weekend plans with her with the excuse that she has her cousin's baby shower: No, you don't. On October 8th, I asked if you had anything planned this weekend, and you said it was your cousin's baby shower. But then, on the 12th, you said it moved to my birthday when I invited you to Medieval Times. So that means that this weekend, you are all mine. Girls trip! Bus leaves at 5am.

107

October 12, 2022
Date that Maggie, Olivia's stenographer stalker, mentions when Olivia tries to get out of weekend plans with her with the excuse that she has her cousin's baby shower: No, you don't. On October 8th, I asked if you had anything planned this weekend, and you said it was your cousin's baby shower. But then, on the 12th, you said it moved to my birthday when I invited you to Medieval Times. So that means that this weekend, you are all mine. Girls trip! Bus leaves at 5am.

108

December 23, 2023
Last day of the Happy Holidays Food Drive - poster on the wall in the cafeteria.

109

December 24, 2023
Abby recruits Dan to find a child's Santa letter. Gurgs gives Dan an unexpected gift. A witness believing she's the Ghost of Christmas Present haunts Olivia.

110

December 25, 2024
Abby receives an apparent death threat on Christmas which ends up in a multi-level murder mystery.

111

February 3
According to Judge Stone, it's "Eat a Groundhog Day": Just a few random Tuesdays, Neil, not really a tradition. It's not like the fireworks on the 4th of July, or eating a groundhog on the 3rd of February.

112

July 4
Date Abby mentions: Hey, guys. That Susan's a real firecracker. And by that I mean she's probably very dangerous on the Fourth of July.

MAKE BELIEVE MAP

113

Balaska
Abby: Kids, we'll call your parents and forget this ever happened if you just give us your real names.
Shelby: Our real names are on our IDs.
Abby: I'm pretty sure you don't live in the state of "Balaska," at "1,000,000 Fart Lane."

114

Fart Lane
Abby: Kids, we'll call your parents and forget this ever happened if you just give us your real names.
Shelby: Our real names are on our IDs.
Abby: I'm pretty sure you don't live in the state of "Balaska," at "1,000,000 Fart Lane."

115

Gas Town
Town in New Mexico where Dan books for Gurgs' assistant Madison's bachelorette party.
Madison: Hi, Dan. Um, I think there might have been a little mistake made. You were supposed to book our bachelorette flights to Tulum, Mexico, but instead, we have tickets to somewhere called Gastown, New Mexico.
Dan: Oh, no, you're gonna love it. They have their own "Thunder from Down Under." Mostly because of the mine explosions.

116

Greybog
Gurgs' boyfriend Alistair Tully is the Duke of Greybog.

117

Heaven
Susan mentions to priest (referring to her breast implants): It's a very simple question, Father. When I go to heaven... do these come with me?

118

Money Town
Joke Brock's previous investor Esther makes about his latest app: it sounds like a rocket ride to Money Town.

119

Shady Acres

Map

Residential Communities

Retirement Communities

Shady Acres
Elder care facility where one of Abby's defendants is accused of setting a fire. Abby later helps her bust out her lover, and gets arrested.

OTHER

120

Abby

Quotes

Abby
Abby (to man dressed as Superman): I know phone booths are hard to come by, but that doesn't make it okay for you to take your pants off in a Verizon store. $700 and time served. Ugh! Comic-Con.

121

Abby

Quotes

Abby
Abby: That doesn't mean anything. I laugh at Beaker from the Muppets. I don't have a crush on him... anymore. Okay? It was one sex dream, but I had a lot of pie before bed.

122

Abby

Quotes

Abby
Abby: Come on, stand up. You want to get married? I'm gonna marry you right here, right now... Can't get married without a tie. And here is your veil... So, marriage. Batman, you in?

123

Abby & Olivia

Quotes

Abby & Olivia
Abby: You know, people say that it's hard to date in New York, but not for me. I landed myself a real catch. Blonde, blue-eyed, talking to you right now. It's me. I'm dating myself.
Olivia: The bouquet of doll heads from the Green Point Creeper was less disturbing than that.

124

Abby & Olivia

Quotes

Abby & Olivia
Abby: Is this the longest relationship you've ever had?
Olivia: I've had longer. There's a shadowy figure called the Puppet Man who's been visiting my dreams since I was 12.

125

Abby Stone & Neil

Quotes

Abby Stone & Neil
Abby Stone: So, the Getty Museum Nikolai almost had his painting in wasn't the famous one in L.A., it was...
Neil: It was The Estelle Getty Museum in Miami, Florida. Apparently, Nikolai learned American painting from watching Golden Girls reruns, and that's all he can paint.

126

Abby Stone & Olivia

Abby's friend Heather's baby's name, whi...

Quotes

Abby Stone & Olivia
Abby Stone: Look how cute he is, sitting courts ide, like a basketball wife, or a more handsome Jack Nicholson.
Olivia: More handsome? Someone clearly hasn't seen the Shining.

127

Name Game

Abby's friend Heather's baby's name, which she named after the pizza she was eating when he was conceived.

	Famous Ray
	Little Caesar
	DiGiorno

128

Blurple
Color that Abby mentions.
Abby: Denied?! That must be a mistake!
Linda: Oh, we're the government. We don't make mistakes. But your petition had quite a few. Page ten, section F oval was too filled in, as if done with resentment. Box C3 needed to be completed in blue ink, but your ink had a violet hue.
Abby: It's called Blurple.

129

Brock

Quotes

Brock
Brock: Okay, investors, who's ready to live long and profit?

130

Brock & Olivia

Quotes

Brock & Olivia
Brock: All right, everyone. I know my party is the coolest, but please, try and give us your full attention.
Olivia: Do or do not, there is no try. Star Wars dialogue.

131

Brock & Olivia

Courthouse maintenance worker Bert's pet...

Quotes

Brock & Olivia
Brock: You guys are all out.
Olivia: Not me, right? I thought new were Luke and Leia.
Brock: They're brother and sister.
Olivia: What? Does their dad know?

132

Carte Blanche
Color that Neil mentions, similar to Ghost White and Bone White.

133

Name Game-Animals

Courthouse maintenance worker Bert's pet alligator's name.

	Rod
	Ned
	Todd

134

Dan

Quotes

Dan
Dan: Julianne is back. Catwoman. Second row.

135

Dan

Quotes

Dan
Dan: No. That's just the thing. For one glorious moment, the room faded away and we were just a Klingon and a Catwoman, as God intended.

136

Dan

Quotes

Dan
Dan: I don't know what to say. There are no words in Klingon for what I'm feeling. I assume. I did no research.

137

Dan & Wyatt

Quotes

Dan & Wyatt
Dan: What kind of stunted man-child goes in for this kind of stuff?
Wyatt (as Morpheus): One who's seen the world for what it really is. (Normal voice) Morpheus. From "The Matrix."
Dan: Good God. You're one of them. I mean, that's surprising. You present as a person who's had sex.
Wyatt: If you don't think these people are having sex, you don't know Comic-Con. For five days, the horniest indoor kids in the galaxy gathered to dress up and bed down. And since this is my first Con since the divorce, I'm ready to show all the ladies we're living in a... stimulation.

138

Dan Fielding

Dan's real name, which Abby mentions to ...

Quotes

Dan Fielding
Dan Fielding (planning the meal for a fake wedding): Of course we'll need a vegan option - an option for them to leave!

139

Name Game-Real Names

Dan's real name, which Abby mentions to him.

	Reinhold
	Judge
	Edward

140

Ear-patitis C
Condition that Wyatt mentions when Bert mentions using a hearing aid she found in the trash to eavesdrop: But you wash them off first, right? That's how you get Ear-patitis C!

141

Freezing Man
Festival that Judge Stone mentions, like Burning Man but for winter sports.

142

Goblins
Olivia's high school mascot. The hacker releases a photo of her in uniform.

143

Gurgs

Quotes

Gurgs
Gurgs: I wish we were in the Matrix. Learning kung fu is taking forever.

144

Gurgs & Wyatt

Quotes

Gurgs & Wyatt
Gurgs: Okay, Wyatt. I'm coming to Comic-Con.
Wyatt: Trinity! Nice!
Gurgs: I'll take your kids to the "PAW Patrol" panel while Morpheus looks for "The One"... who will have sex with him.

145

Gurgs, Wyatt & Dan

Harry's stuffed armadillo's name that Ab...

Quotes

Gurgs, Wyatt & Dan
Gurgs: Forget it, Maltz.
Wyatt: It's Comic-Con.
Dan: C-o-n-n-n-n-n-n-n!

146

Name Game-Animals

Harry's stuffed armadillo's name that Abby find in one of his old boxes.

	Alabama
	Clarence
	Drexl

147

Heather

Quotes

Heather
Heather: Ooh! Batman! I'm gonna go talk to him. I heard he's rich and a big ol' freak.

148

Julianne

Quotes

Julianne
Julianne: Because it's not something I'm proud of. I mean, those people are crazy... I never really fit in. I was always left out of the midnight boat rides that often ended in sex and murder and when things got really dark, a Kennedy. But then my Aunt Muffy took a shining to me. And by that I mean she attacked me in a hedge maze with an ax. But when I didn't rat on her, I became her favorite. And now, after years of being her human footstool, I stand to inherit her millions.

149

Julianne

Quotes

Julianne
Julianne: And, uh, some advice - use that money for a shrink or a pint of ice cream or something, because you need help, and that's coming from someone who has been diagnosed as criminally insane.

150

Julianne & Dan

Quotes

Julianne & Dan
Julianne: Dr. Bialik was dining in a vegan restaurant when she attacked the chef with a tofurken, which is like a turducken, but for no one.
Dan:Your Honor, the restaurant claims to be vegan, so can you imagine my client's outrage when she discovered the secret menu item, which was a bacon sandwich where the bread is steaks?

151

Neil

Quotes

Neil
Neil: Next case. The City of New York vs. Captain James T. Kush. He was arrested for growing and selling marijuana on his charter boat.

152

Olivia

Quotes

Olivia
Olivia: Flowers, nice. Romance or cat and mouse game with a serial killer? 'Cause I've been on both sides of that coin.

153

Olivia

Quotes

Olivia
Olivia: The I.T. department isn't open at night. We do have an "It" department, but it's just a clown who smells like a sewer and says our fear makes him stronger.

154

Olivia

Quotes

Olivia
Olivia: Hey! I'm sorry to interrupt. Just, uh, had a quick question for your spooky friend... It'll only take a minute. I just purchased a house that you certified haunted, and I'm just wondering, like, how haunted is it? Are we talking the walls bleed or twin girls standing in the hallway? 'Cause I got no patience for kids.

155

Olivia & Neil

Quotes

Olivia & Neil
Olivia: Yeah, it's a trap!
Neil: Oh, Admiral Akbar! I'm sorry, I almost didn't recognize you. You know what? Why don't I grab us a couple of blue milks from the old cantina? What do you say?
Olivia: You read my mind.
Neil: Well, I'm a Jedi after all.

156

Olivia & Neil

Quotes

Olivia & Neil
Olivia: What the hell is he talking about?
Neil: Those are Star Wars references.
Olivia: Star Wars.
Neil: He's a nerd. Tech guys were indoor kids. And Endor kids. That's another Star Wars reference.
Olivia: And he'll laugh at that?
Neil: MmHmm.
Olivia: Give me more. Tell me all about the Star Battles, Fraggle Rocks. If it contributed to your virginity, I wanna know about it.

157

Olivia Moore

Quotes

Olivia Moore
Olivia Moore: You have the memory of a serial killer. In a fun way.

158

PTSD
Joke Gurgs makes about Dan's history with Judge Stone's mother - Post Tremendous Sex Disorder.

159

Rand & Abby

Quotes

Rand & Abby
Rand: How do I look?
Abby: Uh, well, it's a lot of brown, so kind of like a UPS driver, but how about me?
Rand: Well, I got you on my Batman standee. I'm not gonna lie... it's really working for me. Makes sense. You both look great in black. You both fight crime at night. And neither of you trust penguins.

160

Shelby & Abby

Quotes

Shelby & Abby
Shelby: Stop marrying us. We're kids.
Abby: Too late, I already did. I now pronounce you Batman and wife.

161

Turtle Fever
Disease Dan mentions talking about his late wife wanting to go to Costa Rica.

162


#532326	#c44115	#ee7b28

163

Wyatt

Quotes

Wyatt
Wyatt: I'm no longer Morpheus, keeper of all the secrets of the Matrix. I'm Rocky, the worst "PAW Patrol" dog... whose power is garbage truck.

164

Wyatt

Quotes

Wyatt
Wyatt: So, uh, how about we put on a sorting hat and see what house we're going back to... yours or mine. That would have worked if I was dressed as Morpheus!

165

Wyatt & Dan

Quotes

Wyatt & Dan
Wyatt: Okay, I get it. I'm sorry for everything I said. You were right.
Dan: I love hearing when I'm right. Come on. Tell me other things I love to hear.
Wyatt: Uh, you're an amazing lawyer. You're... You're smart. You're... You're stylish. You look like Wolverine's dad.

166

Wyatt & Julianne

Quotes

Wyatt & Julianne
Wyatt: Next up, the People vs... Sylvia Plath and Batman? Aw, it's never the real one.
Julianne: Those are the names on the defendants' fake IDs. It's a tale as old as time. Just a couple of white kids trying to get some White Claws.

167

Wyatt, Dan & Gurgs